Loki and Darcy's Infinite Playlist
by Tangerine0375
Summary: How Darcy Lewis became friends with the God of Mischief. Loki is infatuated and Darcy is oblivious. Tricks, tasers, and all that jazz. Slow burn Loki/Darcy. Some Avengers make appearances. Rated M for future reasons.
1. Sleep Alone

**A/N: Not sure how to describe this... How Darcy and Loki became friends. Except Loki becomes infatuated and Darcy is oblivious. Tricks, tasers, and hilarity ensues. And probably some angst. Scratch that. Definitely some angst, because, hey, it's Loki. Slightly cracky and rated a soft M for Darcy's potty mouth and probable smutishness down the road. Very slow-burn, eventual Loki/Darcy. Tasertricks. **

**Please review!**

Song:

"Sleep Alone" Two Door Cinema Club

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything Marvel. Duh. Also, I don't own these songs. If ya wanna hear them, please BUY THEM. It's the nice thing to do. :)**

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><p><em>"No, my only goal is to seeeee, when I'm only fast asleeeeep..."<em>

Darcy delicately docked her precious iPod in its speaker cradle and proceeded to sing and dance her way around the kitchen putting away dishes and generally straightening up.

Man, did she love her days off and having the place to herself. Most people could tell you that Darcy Lewis loved her iPod like it was her freaking child and that her earbuds were permanently attached to her ears. And those people wouldn't be wrong. But, in her humble opinion, there was nothing like blaring a song and having music flood an entire room. Some days, with some songs, ear buds just didn't quite cut it.

_"So I'll hold, hold, hold it close to my heart, beating with every step..."_

Darcy stopped to survey the results of her cleaning skills and nodded proudly. Sure, Jane and Thor probably wouldn't notice, but at least it was clean. Gods and astrophysicists are very messy and Darcy, despite what most would assume, was kinda a neat freak...

After the mind-fuck known as the Battle of New York, Stark Industries had hired (read:basically forced) Jane to come work for them in London, Darcy had of course been dragged along. Jane didn't seem to mind much since it meant endless money and resources to Science! with. Plus, you know, better access to her godly boy toy. And Darcy...well, she didn't have any other options. Somehow, her BS degree magically arrived in the mail right around the time SHEILD began soliciting them, despite the fact that it was only March. Yeeeeah, graduation wasn't until May. Talk about blackmail. Apparently, SHEILD could find uses even for lowly PoliSci interns, if they knew too much. Then after the 'Jane got elf-napped' fiasco, she and Darcy had been relocated to New York for safe keeping.

Overall, Darcy liked her new job. She got paid, which was cool. Eh, who was she kidding, it was AWESOME. She even had an official title: Darcy S. Lewis, technical programming liaison for the Avengers Initiative. Which is really just a fancy way of saying she still got to help Jane but was basically a glorified babysitter/personal assistant to the entire Science!Club plus the other Avengers. The digs at the Avengers Tower were the major boon,though. She shared a gargantuan three bedroom suite with Jane and Thor that, in the world of Darcy Lewis, was absolutely comparable to the Taj Mahal. Not that they needed three bedrooms, since Jane and Muscles McGee were shacked up and presumably humping like rabbits. Darcy had been meaning to send Tony and Pepper an Edible Arrangement to thank them for the extra sound-proofing in the apartment...

Yep, things had been going fantastic for the past year. That was, until about three weeks ago when Thor came back from a seemingly 'impromptu' visit to Asgard with his psychotic fake-brother in tow. And THEN had the nerve to be all, 'Awww c'mon guys he's so changed and cute and my brother! IT'S NBD!' Except, you know, he made it sound all Asgardian-fancy and shit so everyone swooned. Well, maybe just Jane swooned, but still...

Either way, Darcy had had a hellacious couple of weeks AND had just cleaned the house on her day off. _Not too shabby. Time for a reward!_

She danced her way to fridge, flung the double doors open in time with with the song, and sighed happily when she spied the object of her desire sitting pretty on the top shelf.

"Oh, Mountain Dew Code Red, nectar of the gods, get in my belly!" she crooned at the sugary beverage before slamming the refrigerator doors shut with her hips and shimmying her way over to the cupboards for a glass.

Just as she cracked the seal of the plastic cap, the hissing sound of doom reached her ears milliseconds before foamy red began erupting from the apparently dance-shaken bottle all over her and the counter top.

"Damnnnnnnnnn ittttttt!" she groaned.

As she scrambled for a kitchen towel, her elbow knocked the offending bottle to the floor where is rolled to its side and began to wildly pirouette, spewing sticky redness across the room.

"DOUBLE DAMN IT!" So much for a freshly cleaned kitchen, Darcy thought bitterly as she retrieved the basically empty bottle and tossed it into the sink. With a resigned sigh, she sunk to her knees and began sopping up the lake of Code Red formerly known as the kitchen floor.

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><p>"Oh, I do so like it when they kneel."<p>

Darcy shrieked at the black leather boots that suddenly appeared under her nose from her spot on her hands and knees. "YOU ASSHOLE," she spat, nearly face-planting, "You scared the shit out of me! FUCK!"

Loki smirked down at her condescendingly, annoyingly looking even godlier from her position sprawled on the kitchen floor drowning in a Code Red tsunami. Darcy glowered at his freakishly tall, Asgardian ass and tried to slow her racing heart, "WHY in the name of Moses are you in my kitchen?!"

"Pathetic as it is..." Loki grimaced, looking around, "These Midgardian accommodations are pitiable."

Darcy gaped at him, dumbfounded. The 'accommodations' at the Avengers Tower were anything but 'pitiable', if you asked her. Hell, it was the nicest place she'd ever BEEN, much less freaking lived!

Loki cringed, visibly cringed, as the still-blasting song reached it's conclusion. "What was that infernal racket, mortal?"

Darcy's stunned look faded back into a glare and she readjusted her askew glasses, "Um, it's called music, _immortal_."

Loki clucked his tongue in false disapproval, "I beg to differ. However, I will have to politely request that you refrain from blaring it at such volumes if I am to reside here."

"B-but... I... How? WHAT!?"

Loki rolled his eyes, annoyance coloring his sharp features, "Articulate as ever, mortal."

On shaky legs, Darcy rose from her spot on the floor mouth agape, Code Red still dripping from her once-white AC/DC shirt and the ends of her hair, and just stared in disbelief at the God of Mischief.

If possible, Loki looked even more annoyed, "By Odin's beard, mortal, you look as if you've seen a bilgesnipe," his eyes narrowed and cocked his head, "You're not going to go into histrionics, are you?"

Darcy blinked slowly and finally whispered hoarsely, "Did you just say...that you...were moving in...with us?"

"Oh, yes," he purred, "the Man of Fury informed me thusly just an hour ago." Loki was looking at her with an amused glint in his eye and she wanted nothing more than to claw it out.

Darcy could hear the blood rushing through her ears. _Dear sweet Lord._ Loki, God of Mischief and Lies, Ultimate Trickster, Asshole Extraordinaire, and bane of her existence for the last three weeks was going to move into their apartment, her one place of solace and comfort in the entire tower? FUUUUUUUUUCK!

"JARVIS?" Darcy called, barely over a whisper, eyes still locked on Loki's face. At this point, his expression was practically fucking gleeful.

"Yes, Miss Lewis?" the AI butler responded over the apartment's speaker system, "How may I be of service?"

"Could you please send a message to Thor, Jane Foster, and Nick Fury for me?"

"Of course, Miss Lewis, what would you like it to say?"

"Could you tell them that I hate them and am going to fucking murder them?"

"Are you certain that is the message you wish to send, Miss Lewis?" JARVIS sounded uncharacteristically hesitant.

"Yeah, man," Darcy replied stonily as Loki openly smirked at her, "I am really, really sure."

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><p><strong>AN: Reviews are love! This was mostly a set up chap... Continue or no? Xoxo**


	2. Cheap Tragedies

**A/N: So... I donno what this story is turning into. I kinda hope/think there's some semblance of a plot happening. Either way, I hope it's at least entertaining! **

"Cheap Tragedies" - Avengers

Seriously, that's the band... Avengers.

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything Marvel. Duh. Also, I don't own these songs. If ya wanna hear them, please BUY THEM. It's the nice thing to do. :).**

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><p><strong>Three weeks earlier...<strong>

"Miss Lewis!" Director Fury seethed through clenched teeth, "Care to join_ the rest of us_?"

When Steve tapped her knee under the table, Darcy glanced up at him from her doodles on the yellow steno pad in front of her and yanked out one of her earbuds.

"WHAT, Steve?" She hissed, annoyed at him for interrupting a good song and a seriously good cartoon rendition of Nick Fury as a cat._ 'Nick Purr-y'. Heh._ Then when he cleared his throat and slid his eyes to the man in question standing at the front of the room, she felt all eyes on her. _And_ heard Tony Stark snickering. _Shitballs_.

Darcy sheepishly turned her head to peer over her glasses at the foreboding, eye-patched man from her spot at the end of the conference room table. _Double shitballs_.

"Uhhh... Sorry?" she squeaked.

"Care to share with the class what is so much more important than a meeting regarding our plans for harboring a dangerous, magical god on the premises?" Fury drawled in a tone of affected boredom as his one eye burned a hole through her skull.

"Um, uh... No, Director Purr-y. Erm, Fury. Sir. Nope. Sure don't. Nothing. Yep." Darcy stuttered as she began ripping her drawing into tiny pieces and eating it.

Stark was outright guffawing and Steve was shaking his head and pinching the bridge of his nose. But Darcy _knew_ he wanted to laugh. Everyone else looked baffled or uncomfortable. Except Jane. She looked furious. Losers. You think they'd be used to her by now...

"MISS LEWIS! What do you think you're doing?" Fury barked.

"Uh, snack, sir?" she garbled out around her paper-stuffed cheeks, spitty pieces of yellow confetti blowing out of her mouth. She swallowed hard and wiped her mouth with the back of her hand, then beamed her brightest smile at the Director.

Now Tony was turning purple and choking out something about buying Darcy a new iPod next week. Steve just sighed into his hands and didn't dare look at her. Jane looked like she wanted to start banging her head on the table. _Winning_!

"Christ! I give up with you people! Meeting adjourned!" Fury bellowed as he stormed out of the conference room.

As people slowly got up to file out of the conference room, Darcy could feel eyes on her again. But it was _off_ this time, different. It made the hairs on the back of her neck stand and a shiver ghost up and down her arms. She glanced around, and when she found the source, she thanked Oprah she hadn't stood up yet, because she would have peed herself. _He_ was staring at her. Thor's crazier-than-a-bag-of-cats brother. _Loki. How the fuck had she missed THAT?! Oh, wait. iPod. Nick Purr-y. Heh._

He had the most piercing green eyes Darcy had ever seen and he was _studying _her. Looking at her like...like he was slightly mystified. As if he couldn't quite decided if he wanted to laugh or applaud or squash her like a bug. She couldn't really tell since he had some sort of weird...space-muzzle over his mouth? _Were_ _those_ _runes_? Abruptly, Darcy realized she was in some sort of odd stare off with the dude, but couldn't seem to tear her eyes away. _Were all super-villains so pretty? NO, not pretty. Creepy. CREEPY! Fuck! _His freaky green eyes stayed locked with hers as Thor guided him out of the room and down the hall. _What the actual fuck was th-_

"Hey, you ready to go?" Steve's voice jogged her out of her reverie.

"Oh, uh, yeah..." she muttered as she grabbed her stuff from the table and stood.

"You always gotta pull stunts like that, Lewis?" Steve asked as they walked out, his blue eyes twinkling.

Darcy smirked. "Duh. Wouldn't you be worried if I didn't?"

"Probably... You're the strangest dame I ever met."

"That's me! So what'd I miss?"

Steve rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly. "A lot, actually. C'mon, I'll tell ya about it over lunch. Got something I need to talk to you about, anyway."

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><p>"YOU'RE WHAT?!" Darcy nearly choked on her cheese fries.<p>

"It's not that bad, Darcy..." Steve murmured, squirming uncomfortably in his seat. He knew this wouldn't go over so well.

"I'm sorry, _Cap_, did you just say 'NOT THAT BAD'?!" Darcy growled as she threw one of her fries at him.

Steve swatted it away and groaned inwardly. She only called him 'Cap' when she was really angry.

In the year since Jane and Darcy moved to the Tower and Darcy took over 'Avengers Babysitting, Inc.', she and Steve had grown pretty close. Maybe it was weird, but hell, everything about her life was weird now. When Jane wasn't Science!ing, she was being all gooey, kissy-face with Thor. Not that Darcy blamed her, two years was a helluva dry spell. But Darcy missed having _a friend;_ someone to just hang out with and being friends with Steve just kinda happened. They were more alike than most people imagined, actually...

"Darce..."

"Don't 'Darce' me, Steve! This is seriously terrible!"

"It's not like I haven't gone on missions before!" he argued.

"Yeah, but not for SIX FREAKING MONTHS! Six months?! What the hell?!... Wait. When do you leave?"

"Uh, tomorrow?" Steve winced.

"OHMIGAWD! Oh, no. Ohhhh, no no no NO. Tomorrow is Friday, Steve. FRIDAY. Two days until SUNDAY. Season premiere? WALKING DEAD? Ring a bell?!" Darcy was near hyperventilating.

"I know it's important to ya, but..."

"Important to _me_?! You're kidding right? It took weeks to catch you up! You were so excited! And I was gonna make cupcakes! ZOMBIE CUPCAKES!" Another fry flew by his ear.

She was right, he really was disappointed he'd miss it. Watching the apocalypse drama was sort of their thing and he couldn't imagine having to watch it without her, much less miss it all together.

Steve sighed and looked down at his hands, "Darcy-"

She gasped, a thought suddenly occurring to her, twisting her expression into one of sheer horror. "_Oh, god_. What if it happens? WHAT IF IT HAPPENS, STEVE? And you're gone?! Oh god... I'd never make it to Atlanta without you! I'd never find Rick! Or get to pinch his sweet, sweet ass or warn him about Lori! I'd get eaten and turn into a walker! I'D NEVER GET TO MAKE OUT AND DO STUFF'N'THANGS WITH DARYL DIXON!"

The other customers in the diner were starting to stare now and Steve fought the urge to roll his eyes and laugh at her dramatic ramblings. "Lewis, we've talked about this. We have a contingency plan, remember?"

Darcy looked only mildly placated. "Oh, like I can count on Thor and Jane. He'd be having a field day and she'd be too busy Science!ing. Stupid mission. Stupid SHIELD." she grumbled, pushing her plate away as the waitress placed the check on the table. Then she sighed defeatedly.

"Look, I know. I'm not thrilled either. But this one is...different." Steve said as he dropped the money for their lunch on the table and the grabbed his leather jacket off of the back of his chair.

Walking out of the restaurant, Darcy was very quiet. Quiet Darcy was never, ever good. When they reached the sidewalk Steve turned to her and saw her eyes glistening as she wrapped her chunky knit scarf tighter around her chin.

"Hey, now. None of that..." he murmured as he pulled her to him, "Ya know I hate it when dames cry."

Darcy sniffled into his shirt. "Yeah, yeah..." she sighed, reaching up to dash at her eyes with the sleeve of her sweater. "Just... This ones a really dangerous one, isn't it?"

"They're all dangerous, Darce..."

"Be careful, ok?"

"Always." Steve looked down at her and gave her a half-smile as she pulled away and continued wrestling stubbornly with her scarf. "C'mon," he said, tugging her arm, "let's get back, I gotta pack and we have a briefing before dinner."

"We? Who else is going?"

"Um, it's just me and Nat." Darcy didn't miss the slightly pink tinge of his cheeks.

"Ohhhh yeahhhhh?"

"Yeah. And don't."

"Don't what?" Darcy batted her eyes innocently.

The soldier cut her a sideways glare, "You know what."

But Darcy just giggled. "So what? I ship it, ok?! Look, I better get a full report when you get back! Six months is a long time... _Soooo loooong."_

Steve rolled his eyes for the umpteenth time that day and changed the subject, "I can still talk to you while we're gone. Something about a sky on the computer? We can see each other like a television."

"SKYPE."

"Whatever."

They strolled in silence for a while, enjoying the city, when Darcy finally whispered, "I'm gonna miss you."

"Gonna miss you, too, doll. But it'll fly by..." Steve chuckled, "Besides, I'm sure the new 'intern' will keep you occupied."

"New intern?"

"Did you seriously not hear anything at today's meeting?"

"A) No. B) Nothing in those meetings applies to me. I'm only there to look after you guys."

Steve laughed out loud this time. "Loki's gonna be working with Foster, Stark, and Banner in the labs while he's here. You're getting a new charge to look after."

Darcy stopped dead in her tracks. _TRIPLE SHITBALLS._

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><p><strong>AN: Review, mortals! You were made to review! Ehehehe.**


	3. Kill Me Now

**A/N: I**** wrote most of this chap, then accidentally deleted it. Yeah, I may have cried. But, I managed to crank it back out. Sorry if there are any major errors! PM me if you spot anything cringe-worthy and I will make amends!**

**Reviews are always welcome and appreciated! Major, big-time thanks to all my reviewers, followers and favorite-ers! You guys rock my world! :D**

Two songs, this go round:

"Talking In Code" Margot and the Nuclear So and So's

"Kill Me Now" The Dreadful Yawns

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything Marvel. Duh. Also, I don't own these songs. If ya wanna hear them, please BUY THEM. It's the nice thing to do. :)**

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><p>Darcy stared down at her Chucks on the slick pavement of the landing pad. They looked woefully faded and scuffed even in the dim light of early morning Manhattan. The roof of the Avengers Tower was bustling, as agents scrambled to prepare the helicopter for departure. But Darcy hardly noticed; too distracted by the pain in her chest.<p>

"I hate you."

Steve chuckled but it sounded like a sigh, "No, you don't. You hate being up at 5:30."

"You say that like there's a difference," she grumbled.

The silence stretched for a minute, then Darcy finally murmured, "Just be safe, ok?" Her voice cracked and tears were carving hot trails down her cheeks, but she couldn't bring herself to care. Steve was leaving and she was gonna be all alone. _Again._ The lone weirdo in a House of Awesome. Steve was just as awesome as the rest of the team. More awesome, in Darcy's opinion. But, they were different. Awkward. Rejects, in their own way. Hard to relate to and difficult to get to know. But where Steve hid his awkward behind stoic shyness and good manners, Darcy wore hers like a badge of honor and wielded it like a weapon. In a weird way, that's what made them friends. He quietly accepted her quirks and she let him be his true self; just Steve, not "Captain America". Sometimes, it felt like he was the only person who really understood her besides Jane. He was definitely the only one who took her seriously most of the time. And he was leaving for six freaking months.

"Stop crying, Lewis. That's an order," he tried to joke, with a sad smile that didn't quite reach his eyes. Then he pulled her into his arms.

Darcy sniffled into his chest, "It's not fair. You get to fly off to some probably exotic place and put the moves on Nat and fight baddies. And I'm stuck here with these suck-ass clowns. Alone."

"Hey," he glared down at her with exasperation, "nobody is putting 'the moves' on anybody." Then his expression softened, "And you're not gonna be alone. You need to hang out with Jane more; she misses you, ya know. She's just been busy."

"Yeah, busy wielding Thor's 'hammer'..." she muttered bitterly as she wiped at her now drying eyes.

"Darcy-" Steve started to chastise with a grimace. But she interrupted him.

"AND, speak for yourself. I plan on putting the moves on Scott from Accounting at Tony's Halloween Bash."

Steve rolled his eyes with a laugh, "Atta girl. Sad I have to miss the fireworks."

Darcy just huffed. _Stupid mission_. "Yeah, yeah," she muttered, pulling out of his arms and making a show of straightening her glasses and wiping her nose on her sleeve.

When she spoke again, her voice was quiet, "I really am gonna miss you."

Steve was silent for a moment, his blue eyes searching hers. Darcy couldn't name the look on his face, but when he responded, his voice was soft, "I'm gonna miss you, too. I will sky-call you when I'm able to."

It was Darcy's turn to roll her eyes, "_Skype_. You'll _skype_ me, Old Man."

Steve cringed but Darcy just giggled.

They turned as the metal door of the roof access creaked open and the other team members, led by Natasha, filed out. It was sort of a tradition for them to see each other off when a mission came up. But what surprised Darcy was seeing Loki emerge onto the roof after Thor. _What was he doing up here_?

Reading her thoughts, Steve spoke up, "He's under Thor's direct supervision for the time being...something about a rule their father made." Then his eyes turned grave, "Look, I know I joked about you having to deal with him, but I want you to be careful, Darce. His magic is limited now, but he's dangerous and I don't trust him. I want you to promise me you won't mess with him or be around him alone."

Darcy snorted, "Overprotective much?"

"I'm serious, Darcy. _Promise_."

"Ok, ok, I promise! Geez! It's not like I'm even 'in charge' of him anyway! He's not an Avenger. And I'll probably only ever see him when I go down to the labs so there will be at least three other people down there with me. He doesn't even live on a residence floor. He's locked up in a cell somewhere down there. Chill." Her eyes slid away from Steve's over to where the god in question was standing, looking bored and seriously unimpressed, as he surveyed the roof. _What a douchenozzle_. "I probably won't even have to talk to him at all. Besides, how..."

As if on a cue, sharp green eyes found her blue ones through the increasing crowd. Darcy's mouth went dry. Loki's face maintained the staid boredom, but the green depths of his eyes were suddenly sparkling like emeralds. _Freaking sparkling? Seriously? What was that? _Then one corner of his mouth quirked up ever so slightly. _Wh-? Was he fucking smirking at her? _She blinked and all of it was gone; the smirk, the crazy-eyes, everything. Confused, Darcy peeled her eyes away and rubbed them. She must just be tired. It was too early for this shit...

Just in case, she glanced his way again, and he wasn't even looking at her anymore. Darcy cleared her throat, "...how bad could it be?"

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><p>The answer was 'pretty fucking bad', apparently.<p>

The first week after Steve left was straight up Snoozeville. Pretty much business-as-usual for Darcy. The only notable difference being that, whenever she went down to feed/water the Science!Brigade or take notes for Jane, Thor and Loki were present.

Though the Bifrost was back up and running again, the team was attempting to continue Jane's research into creating an Earth-based replica. Apparently, Loki's magic was somehow supposed to help with that. Jane mentioned something about 'showing him the ropes' and introducing him to the data they already had, before utilizing his magic crap. But he didn't seem too bad to work with (you know, for an evil psychotic alien). He just sat there silently reading over charts and not really _contributing_ anything.

You know, except for staring. He was really fucking good at that. The dude stared. All. The. Time. It was damn creepy. But he never did or said anything to her, so Darcy just ignored him and carried on like she normally would. Which basically involved her listening to her iPod, being weird, and sometimes helpful.

Week two was when the real fun began.

"Shiiiiiiii-" Darcy mumbled into her pillow as she groped blindly for her phone, which was blaring from the bedside table.

When her fingers hit their mark, she slid the lock screen over and mumbled incoherently into the speaker, "Whaaaa Jaaaane?"

"Darcy...Darcy? Where are you? Are you ok?"

FUCK. Darcy bolted upright in the bed. "OHMIGAWDJANEIOVERSLEPT!"

_What time was it_?! Darcy peered over at her alarm clock while he grappled for her glasses and slid them on. 10:00?! _Fuckfuckfuckfuckfuck_.

"Calm down, Darce. Just get down here when you can, ok?" Jane's soothing voice came through the phone.

"Jesus, Jane! Why didn't you guys wake me up when you left?!"

Jane was silent.

"You've been up all night down there, haven't you?"

"Don't be mad, Darce..."

Darcy let out an exasperated growl. "You're not even supposed to work on Sundays! You know what, forget it! Gimme 10 minutes and I'll be there. And when I get there you're _eating_ and then _leaving_!"

"But-"

"Not 'buts', Jane!"

Darcy stabbed the end call button and slid the phone across the bed. These people were trying to kill her. Or themselves. Or both.

She dashed around her room and threw on the first things she found: a pair of ripped up jeans, a sports bra, and a hoodie with a questionable stain on one sleeve. _How professional_. Then she bounded into the bathroom to brush her teeth. "Wow, slept-in makeup...real cute, Lewis," she muttered as she glared at her reflection and tried to wrestle her dark brown curls into a ponytail. _Like it mattered what she looked like_. She was gonna go down there, feed the Science!Kids, then drag Jane's ass back to their apartment.

As Darcy tripped into her Chucks by the front door, she looked longingly at her Kuerig. No time for coffee. _Damn._

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><p>By the time Darcy reached the labs, she was thanking every deity she knew that she'd talked Tony into putting a Kuerig down there for easy access. <em>Sweet Jesus, she needed coffee<em>! Oh, and she still hadn't managed to tie her shoes. She may or may not have nodded off on the elevator ride down, instead. _Oops_.

As the automated doors swooshed open, Darcy started to call out, "JANE ANN FOST-", and then promptly tripped over her shoe laces, "Aghhh!"

But instead of the cold lab floor, Darcy let out a 'oomph' as she collapsed into something warm and solid. _What th...Oh, shit._

Darcy peered up into a blurry pool of green, white, and black and adjusted her fallen glasses. _Of course it would be Loki._

"Erm, sorry, uh, dude..." she muttered as she righted herself and adjusted her ridden up sweatshirt.

The glare she earned made her apologetic smile falter. Then she noticed the wet, brown stain that marred her already-gross sweatshirt and his pristine white button-up. _Shit._

"...and, uh, sorry about your coffee?"

When he continued to glare, but remained silent, she thought maybe she was in the clear. So she sidestepped him to continue her way into the lab.

"MORTAL." his voice brought her to a screeching halt. _Double shit_.

Darcy turned around slowly, her eyes big as saucers and mouth gaping as the towering god approached her. _Fuck, he was tall._

When he reached her, he bent down so that his mouth was beside her ear. Then with two long, pale fingers, he plucked out her earbud. Darcy swallowed thickly. This dude was going to fucking kill her. When he spoke, his voice was soft and smooth, like honey as he murmured, "I am Loki, Prince of Asgard. You will address me with the respect due my title. Do I make myself abundantly clear?"

Darcy couldn't breathe, so she just nodded. Yep.

Then he stood back to full height and glowered down at her with an arrogant smirk like he'd just won some game she wasn't aware they were playing, "Good."

He was the most ridiculous, pompous asshole Darcy had ever met. And she hung out with Tony Motherfucking Stark. _Oh shit. Ohshitohshitohshit. _She was gonna laugh. She could feel it. _Oh shit_. She was going to laugh in Loki's pissed off face and likely say something inappropriate and he was gonna murder her_. Fuuuuuuuuuck. Hold it down. Don't do ittttttt._

Against her will, a shaky smile worked its way forth and a few breathy giggles escaped her lips. And then, before she could stop herself, "Okaaaaay, well, uh...See ya later, _dude_." And before he could respond, she bolted away from him and across the lab to find Jane.

_Man, she was fucked._

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><p><strong>AN: Ok, ok. I swear this isn't a Cap fic. Even though he is awesome. The muse made me do it, and I promise all the Cap involvement is plot-relevant. I think. Oh, and I think next chap will be Loki POV. Anyyyywho... Just wanted to clear that up, so...bye! Xoxo**


	4. Come On

**A/N: Hello! Another chapter, yay! A little Loki POV in this one. **

**Side note, props to people who have written multiple full-on stories. This shit is toughhhhh. Y'all are my heroes. **

**Oh, and Surprise!Hugs for all the lovely commenters, followers, and favorite-ers! ****Enjoy, darlings! ****Xoxo**

Song:

"Come on Eileen" Dexy's Midnight Runners

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything Marvel. Duh. Also, I don't own these songs. If ya wanna hear them, please BUY THEM. It's the nice thing to do. :)**

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><p>"Morning, Darcy..." Bruce murmured distractedly.<p>

"Sup, Doc?" She beamed brightly, pulling out her earbuds.

"You seem...cheerful today," glancing up warily from his tablet.

Darcy rolled her eyes, "Well, yeah, Lo-"

"Darcy? What are you doing down here? Thought you took the day off?"

"Hey, Janey! Decided to take tomorrow, instead. It'll be Friday, so you guys have a meeting, anyway," Darcy grinned, "PLUS, I heard His Highn_ass_ is absent today, sooooo..."

"Well, that explains it," Bruce smiled softly, returning to his tablet.

"Ok. I put some papers on your desk that need to be logged into the database, anyway," Jane said, as she headed toward the coffee machine, "Anyone want some coffee?"

"Me!" Tony's voice echoed somewhere from the back of the lab, amid a clatter of metal.

"None for me, thanks," Bruce murmured, still engrossed with his tablet.

Darcy just glowered. "Did my K-Cups come in yet?" she asked sourly. She was still pissed over The Great Coffee Debacle of last week. Hell, she was pissed about every debacle of last week. Annnnnd this week. There were plenty to choose from.

Ever since she bumped into The God of Assness, he'd been making her life a living hell. First, he had used all of her Dark Magic K-Cups. All of them. Even though the box was clearly fucking labeled 'Property of Darcy Lewis' in bright purple highlighter. Everyone in the tower knew that was a major freaking no-no. Then, when she replaced them with a brand new box, she made an addendum to the label: "Violators Will Be Tased In The Nuts'. Obviously, Loki gave zero fucks because the next day all of them were gone before she even reached the lab. What kind of freak could drink 18 cups of coffee before 9:00?! When confronted, he just smirked and walked away, coffee cup in hand. In related news, tasers apparently don't work on magically-enhanced, still-immortal gods.

Things only escalated from there. Her coffee cup spilled at exactly 11:05. Every damn day. Then there was the day everything she touched turned green. Most painful was the time that all 5,000 songs on her iPod were suddenly Rick Rolled. _How the actual fuck_ he even knew that was a thing was beyond her.

Oh, let's not forget the spiders. So many _motherfucking_ _spiders in the motherfucking lab._ And apparently, Darcy was the _only_ person who could see them. Tony thought that one was hilarious until she started to try to kill them with fire. On the bright side, she got the next day off since she lost her voice screaming.

And once, for three days, _nothing_ happened. It was the worst three days of Darcy's life. It was like waiting on death row. By the end of the third day, she was so amped up that she completely lost it. He was just sitting there, looking all fucking smug, and watching her jump at every sound. So she did the only reasonable thing left to do and fucking attacked him. It took both Tony and Jane to pry her fingers from the collar of his shirt. Bruce had to leave the room. Scott from Accounting told her that people in the offices on the 7th floor could hear Thor yelling. Yeahhhh, the labs are in the basement. That was probably the worst.

If that shit was Loki on 'limited' magic, Darcy would end up in the fucking looney bin if he ever got it all back. She knew he was supposed to be evil and stuff, but he was_ so_ _fucking juvenile_. How anyone ever seriously thought _this dude_ could take over the world... Then again, Thor had said that this Loki was more like the brother he knew, ya know, _before_. And Jane had mentioned something about Loki being mind controlled and, like way, way crazier. _Whatevs_. If crazier Loki existed, Darcy hoped like hell she'd never see it in person.

"Go check your desk, Dolly Parton," Tony's voice suddenly sounded beside her as he brushed past.

"What up, Tone-Loc?" Darcy called after him cheerfully, as she raced over to her corner of the lab. Sure enough, next to her laptop was a box of her K-Cups and a shiny new taser to replace the one Livin' La Vida Loser had broken. _Score_!

Tony made a deep '_oomph_' as she collided with him a second later. Surprise!hugs were Darcy's specialty. "Thankyouthankyouthankyou, Uncle Tony! I even forgive you for the boob joke," she smiled up at him.

He cringed and looked like he'd swallowed a lemon, "Uncle Tony?"

Darcy giggled as she untangled herself and bounced away, "Uh,_ yeah_... You're like the embarrassingly-pervy-but-with-a-heart-of-gold uncle I never had..."

* * *

><p>Darcy glanced up at the clock for the fifth time that morning. <em>How was it only 10:30<em>? Although it was blissful to have some peace in the lab for once, it was also fucking boring. She glanced around at the Science!Nerds. Tony's eyes were drooping as he tinkered with yet another gadget and he kept fumbling with the pieces. Bruce was still engrossed with something on his tablet, but was constantly running his hands over his face and pinching the bridge of his nose. But Jane looked the scariest. Her hair was sticking up at odd angles from running her hands through it and she had dark circles under her blood-shot eyes. _Jesus, these people needed a break._

"Erm, guys..."

No response. Darcy cleared her throat, "Hey, GUYS?"

All three jumped, but it was Tony who finally answered drowsily, "What's up, Motormouth?"

"Um, I was, uh, thinking...you know, since it's just the four of us...and, like, old times and all tha-"

"Spit it out, Lewis," Tony interrupted grumpily.

"Well, I was just thinking...can we do Throwback Thorsday today? Pleeeeeeease?"

Bruce smirked and continued tapping on his tablet, but Tony perked up immediately. Jane just sighed, but when she smiled, Darcy knew she had them.

"YEEEAS!" she squealed as she ran to get her iPod.

"What decade, Darce?"

"80s, fosho."

Tony looked ecstatic then worried, "What '80s'? Mine or Bruce's?" Bruce rolled his eyes.

Darcy pretended to consider it, stroking her chin thoughtfully, "I thinkkkkkk... Bruce's." They never did Tony's 80s unless it was his birthday or something. Too much Whitesnake.

"Aw, c'mon guys..."

"NO, TONY."

* * *

><p><em>"What in Valhalla...?"<em>

Loki took in the chaos before him as he stepped into the lab. _Of course, the mortal girl was in the middle of it_. He watched, utterly perplexed, as she bounced around giggling with Thor's lover, the Man of Iron, and the doctor who became The Beast. Her eyes were closed as she twirled and sang. The look on her face was sheer, unadulterated joy; it made her appear almost child-like. _How...disarming_.

"What _are_ they doing?" he stage whispered to Thor, who stood beside him with an amused half-smile.

Thor's grin grew impossibly wider. "Lady Darcy calls it 'Throwback_ Thors_day,' he beamed proudly, "It is a Midgardian custom, brother! They listen to music of the past as they work and then when Lady Darcy calls for it, they partake in a-"

Startled by the intruders, the four dancers halted and turned to face the brothers sheepishly. The mortal girl was breathless and pink-cheeked from exertion, her glossy curls in disarray and blue eyes wide. But she must have realized who she was looking at, so she shot him a scathing look and Loki had to fight not to roll his eyes. At some point she had removed her spectacles and her black skirt was slightly askew. One cobalt colored knee high stocking had fallen and now bunched around her scuffed, brown boot. She looked positively..._ridiculous. Yes, ridiculous_. Loki struggled to maintain his haughty demeanor. He wanted to burst out laughing, and almost did when Thor suddenly bellowed,

"DANCE BREAK!"

Then the buffoon bounded forward to scoop up a squealing Jane and swing her around. They resumed their dancing and singing with renewed vigor, clearly excited at having recruited a new member. Loki, on the other hand, stood stock still at the lab door. Observing the mortal, Darcy.

He knew not why he had made it his mission to vex the poor girl. Actually that was a lie. He knew exactly why. He was bored. So very, dreadfully bored. Which was the worst form of agony for his tricksters mind. She was simply intriguing. Amusing. And, though he was loathe to admit it, somewhat fetching, _for a mortal_. He thought it was perhaps because her face was so very expressive. Whatever thoughts flitted though her head showed themselves blatantly on her face. And then came directly from her mouth._ Gods, that mouth_. The vessel itself was...interesting, he supposed. Soft, with full pink lips that gave way to wry smiles... But, it was what exited those lips that was most delightful. All manner of curses, venom, and profanities tempered with silly and innocent ramblings. It was slightly intoxicating.

As he continued to watch her, he felt the beginnings of a genuine smile working its way onto his face. _Silly creature._ She had removed her scarf, flinging it around and was now attempting to wrap it around the Man of Iron's head.

Suddenly the music dropped in tempo, much to the great excitement of the mortals, who began to stomp and shout. _What in the Nine Realms was a 'Too-Ra-Loo'?_

When the music began to speed back up, the group of them began jumping around manically. As she jumped, Darcy's shirt (which was emblazoned with the likeness of a very sullen looking feline) rose to reveal an expanse of pale stomach...with a blue and black marking faintly peeking out from the waist of her skirt. It vaguely reminded him of his Jotun markings and he inwardly grimaced. _How odd for a Midgardian to be marked so... _He absently wondered what the marking looked like if revealed in its entirety.

As if she felt his thoughts, her large blue eyes found him and surveyed him curiously. Loki tried to rein his accidental smile but he knew he'd been caught. He looked on helplessly as her curiosity melted into indecision. And, finally, after what seemed an eternity, resolve. Then she began to make her way over to him, her small hand outstretched.

Unlike those he had encountered on Asgard and other realms, she was neither demure nor graceful. However, she was charming. Well, not _typically_ charming...but from his perspective, she offered endless amusement in what he considered to currently be a very drab existence. She was completely guileless and he found that oddly refreshing. How freeing it must be...he could only speculate, as his every word and action was carefully orchestrated.

When she reached him, she smiled up at him tentatively, hopefully. "Hey! Come on! You should dance with us. It's Throwback Thorsday!"

His eyes flicked down to her proffered hand,_ an undeserved truce_, and a fleeting thought occurred to him. He envied her. He wanted, so very much wished, to let himself be free and guileless...and the thought stopped him cold. _'Envious of a mere mortal,' inwardly scoffed, 'oh how the mighty have fallen.' No. He was Loki. The Jotun Bastard. Son of Laufey. Fallen Prince of Asgard. Liesmith and God of Mischief and Chaos. Monster. _This mere mortal was an enchanting amusement. Insignificant in every way. Just a distraction while he bided his time on this gods-forsaken planet...nothing more. His smile was quickly snuffed out and once again replaced by the haughty, scornful mask.

He watched with regret as her own smile retreated, her delicate brows furrowing in confusion and the small hopefulness in her eyes replaced by...hurt? Her hand slowly dropped into a fist at her side.

"Whatever, dude..." she scoffed, turning away from him and heading back into the fray.

_Damn._

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Alright, dear readers... Too OOC? Errors? TELL ME! I hope not. This one was tough. I wanted to add more, but ended up paring it down. I may end up going back and re-adding... I'm undecided... **

**Review!**


	5. Letters & Numbers

**A/N: Happy New Year, mortals! In the spirit of new beginnings, I went back and tried to do some clean up on previous chaps. No major changes, just housekeeping. **

**I hope this chap isn't too underwhelming. It's the longest one so far, but I couldn't bear to trim more than I already had to. It was necessary to tie up a few loose ends so we can get to the fun stuff :)**

**Also, I hate bombarding you guys with such a long author's note, BUT I just wanted to say THANK YOU SO MUCH to all those who have read this fic. Most especially my followers, favorite-ers, and reviewers! I am truly humbled and amazed. I appreciate you all. *sniffle* So keep those comments and constructive feedback coming! It feeds the muse and I do take criticisms and advice to heart! Xoxo**

Another two-fer:

"Letter to Memphis" Pixies

"My Number" Foals

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything Marvel. Duh. Also, I don't own these songs. If ya wanna hear them, please BUY THEM. It's the nice thing to do. :)**

* * *

><p>"How's my best girl?"<p>

"Miserable..."

"C'mon, it can't be tha-"

"He's moving in, Steve."

Silence.

"What do you mean, he's moving in?" Steve's voice was quiet.

"Like, bringing-all-his-shit-up-here-and-putting-it-in-the-spare-bedroom-and-sleeping-here, moving in. He told me this morning."

More silence.

"I'm calling Fury."

"Don't bother... I've already left six voicemails."

"Hi, Darcy," Natasha's voice cut in as she walked by the screen, not even bothering to look to see who it was.

"Sup, Nat!" Darcy called after her.

Steve looked pissed, but Darcy just smiled.

"Sooo... How are _things_ going?...Where are you guys, anyway?"

"Don't change the subject, Darce," he growled.

_Damn it._ Darcy sighed, "I didn't tell you this to piss you off when you're half a world away..."

"_Too late_. I can't _believe_ Thor is letting this happen! I mean, you and Jane sleep there! What is he thinking?!"

"Um...it was sort of his idea?" Darcy cringed. She wasn't trying to throw the guy under the bus, but it was the truth. Before Steve could sink his teeth into that bit of info, she continued,

"Look, I'm not happy about this either, ok? I even asked if I could move out..."

"And?"

"And Jane started crying and making puppy dog eyes. We got into a pretty big fight about it. But it didn't matter anyway, because when I asked Tony he just laughed his ass off and told me 'no'... Something about this being 'comedy gold' and 'payback' for not letting him pick tunes for Thowback Thorsdays..." Darcy rolled her eyes, "Asshole."

Steve looked like he was ready to spit nails.

"Calm down, ok? Its... its not like this is the end of the world, right?" she attempted lamely. "Besides, he hasn't really been _that_ bad..."

She really didn't want Steve worrying about this. He needed to focus on getting the baddies and coming home in one piece. "I mean, he's a weird, arrogant, emo-kid who pranks us a lot, but he hasn't actually _hurt_ anyone. I think he's just...lonely and-"

"Stop it _right there_, Darce."

"What?!"

"You know what. You're making excuses for him. This is not like that time you found those kittens out behind the diner. You can't _fix_ him. He is a _murderer._ Don't forget that."

"I'm not forgetting that! Christ, Steve, I'm not stupid!"

"I'm _not_ _saying_ you're stupid..."

"Whatever."

Silence again.

"Darce, I don't wanna fight with ya. I just..."

"I get it, Steve, I do. But I'm a big girl and I can take care of myself. I don't need you to be all worried about me."

Steve looked deflated, but Darcy smiled softly, "Just get the baddies so you guys can come home. I miss you."

"Miss you, too, kiddo..."

Natasha murmured something in the background, and Steve winced, "Look, I gotta go. I'll try to call maybe next week. Just please promise me you'll be careful..."

"Promise. You be careful, too, and watch out for Nat...not that she really needs it..."

Steve grinned, but the worried look didn't leave his eyes, "Bye, doll face."

* * *

><p><em>Fuck...this was gonna suck so much ass.<em>

Darcy took a deep breath before opening the door to her bedroom and padding quietly down the hallway towards the common area.

She had gone off on Jane earlier over the whole 'new roommate' situation, and now she needed to apologize. She hated fighting with Jane. It was like fighting with a really cute, helpless kitten; you always came out looking, and feeling, like the asshole.

They'd lived together for four years, and when Darcy had threatened to move out, Jane got _so upset._ Like 'bitch just kicked my puppy then set my house on fire' kind of upset. And then Darcy went and said _the_ worst thing in the history of ever.

_"You are a... a shitty ass excuse for a friend, Jane!"_

Now, Darcy had said a lot of fucked up shit before, but _that_...that was a low blow. And a lie. But she'd been _so_ mad. So, so mad. Nobody had even bothered to so much as ask her opinion about the whole thing! And, honestly, she felt a little betrayed. She lived here, too, you know!

When she reached the living room, Darcy paused, clearing her throat awkwardly.

Jane, who was stretched out on the couch staring listlessly at the TV, didn't look up. It was Thor who acknowledged her first, "Lady Darcy."

"Hey, big guy..." she shuffled awkwardly, "Mind if I talk to her alone for a minute?"

"Of course."

As he made to leave the room, he paused next to her and placed a comforting hand on her shoulder before heading down the corridor to the room he and Jane shared.

When the door clicked softly behind him, Darcy cleared her throat again, "Soo, is it safe to sit on this couch? You guys have been in here a while and I didn't bring my black light with me."

Jane sighed heavily, but still didn't look away from the TV. "Yeah, come on," scooting over to make room.

Darcy flopped down and stretched out next to her. For a while they just sat in silence, staring at, but not really watching, a 'Will and Grace' rerun. The show was sort of their adult version of Saturday morning cartoons...except, you know, on Friday.

As the credits rolled, it was Jane who finally spoke, "Darcy..."

Darcy spun toward her, eyes wide and pleading, "Jane, I am so, SO sorry! I was so awful and nasty and I was just angry but I shouldn't have said those things but you know me just 'argh' and talking and not thinking and angr-"

"Darcy! Slow down and breathe! _It's ok_!"

Darcy took a deep breath. "I'm just...I'm _sorry_ Jane-"

Jane sighed and looked down, picking at the sleeves of her brown sweater. "No, _I'm_ sorry. You were right... I haven't been a good friend lately..."

"Jane..."

"NO, Darce. It's true," Jane shifted uncomfortably, "I've been so wrapped up with _work _and _Thor_... And I should have talked to you about this whole Loki thing. I know you two don't really get along..."

Darcy snorted. _Understatement of the fucking year award goes toooo..._

"BUT I promise you. I'm going to try to be better. And you know what? Maybe this Loki thing won't be so bad. Thor thinks this will be a really good thing for him."

"I..." Darcy desperately wanted to say something about how dangerous it was for Thor to be _thinking_, but the optimism in Jane's eyes stopped her. Instead she leaned over and gathered her friend in her arms and said quietly, "I really hope he's right, Jane."

* * *

><p>"Hey, Tony's Halloween party is tomorrow!"<p>

_Shit_. With all the drama of the past several days, Darcy had all but forgotten. Since the Code Red incident, Loki had pretty much been on his best behavior. He was polite and cold, but he'd apparently given up on the pranks. Which made Darcy more nervous, to be honest...

"Damn, I still need to finish my costume... You guys are still going, right?" Darcy called to Jane, gingerly stepping over boxes and junk on her way to the kitchen.

There were boxes upon boxes stacked up all around the apartment. Loki was moving in today. None of the shit currently cluttering up the place was actually his, though. According to Thor, he only had like one crate of books and that was pretty much it. The mess was all the stuff Thor and Jane had to move _out_ of the spare bedroom.

"Yeah, we're going as Jane and Tarzan." Jane grinned like she was was the most clever girl to ever clever.

Darcy rolled her eyes but grinned back, "Original."

"What are you gonna be?"

"Daryl Dixon, hottest redneck panty dropper this side of anythaaaang," Darcy crooned dreamily with a far away look in her eye, then she pouted, "Steve was gonna go as Rick Grimes, but-"

Jane quirked a slender eyebrow and crossed her arms over her chest, "Ah, the 'bromance' continues..."

"Damn straight! Not that _you_ would understand, since you see muscles and immediately start panting and humping the furniture..."

Jane scowled at that.

"_Anyway_..." Darcy changed the subject with a pointed look. That particular conversation was most definitely closed. "What the hell are you gonna do with all this crap, Jane? Because it is _not_ going in my room." She wrinkled her nose, appalled at the general state of disarray.

Most of said crap was Jane's left over science stuff from New Mexico. With all of her new Stark tech, she didn't need any of it, but couldn't bear to part with it since SHIELD had returned it all. Tony adamantly refused to let them put any of it in the actual labs. God forbid they use anything constructed from pop tart wrappers and duct tape. Snob.

"I donno... I need to go through it all and see what I can keep and what I can toss," Jane replied glumly.

Darcy checked her watch and wove her way around the boxes to the door to grab her coat and hat. Thor was supposed to be bringing Loki up in about half an hour after a final meeting with Fury. "Well, you have fun with _that_. I'm going out. There's no way I'm sticking around to play welcome committee."

"Darce, you have to try, ok?"

Darcy glanced up from buttoning her coat, "Um, this _is_ me trying, trying to get the hell outta here."

"Darcy."

"Look, I'm doing my best, ok?...Do you need anything while I'm out?"

"No, just try to be back to help me with dinner, ok?"

* * *

><p>It was 6:30 before Darcy got home. She hoped that was plenty of time for the Three Stooges to get their shit right. Even though she had begrudgingly accepted that Loki moving in was inevitable, she really wanted no part in it.<p>

"Jaaaane, I'm hoooome!" Darcy tugged off her hat and threw her keys haphazardly on the table in the small foyer.

"In the kitchen!"

As she made her way down the hall, the deliciously spicy smell of fajitas greeted her. _Mmmm, Tex-Mex._

Darcy shrugged out of her peacoat and draped it across the back of the couch before dropping her shopping bags and planting herself in one of the barstools facing the kitchen. "Smells good in here guys!"

"Thank you, Lady Darcy!" Thor smiled, looking both ridiculous and adorable in a lime green apron.

"Want some sangria?" Jane asked cheerful, already pouring a glass.

"Don't mind if I doooo!" Darcy snatched the glass across the bar and took a greedy sip, "Mmmm, just like mama used to make!"

Jane snickered but Thor just looked puzzled.

Sitting her glass down, Darcy glanced around the kitchen, "So, do you guys need any help?"

"Nah, we're almost finished. Looks like you get to do the dishes." Jane smirked.

Darcy rolled her eyes and whined, "What's the use of having a convict live here if we don't use _him_ for the manual labor?"

"Darcy..."

"What? I'm just saying..." she mumbled, taking another large gulp of sangria.

"Did you enjoy your excursion, Darcy?" Thor asked politely.

"Yup. Got everything I needed for my costume tomorrow! Speaking of which..." She slid off her barstool and grabbed her bags, "I'm gonna go put this crap away and change before dinner."

"Hey, Darce - since you're heading that way, will you tell Loki dinner is almost ready? He's in his room." Jane called after her.

Darcy grimaced, "Sure thing, _mom_."

When she made it to the end of the hall, paused at the door across from hers and glared at it. How could a freaking _door_ look ominous? _Fuck you, door._ Nope, he'd just have to wait; she needed comfy clothes first.

* * *

><p>When he flung open the door, the silly mortal girl was standing with one hand raised preparing to knock.<p>

"Whoa! Um...I was just about to, er, knock."

"Yes, I know." he said nonchalantly as he stepped into the hallway and shut the door behind him before turning toward her. "I could hear you out here prattling to yourself."

He kept his face intentionally blank as he assessed the girl. She was a tiny thing, really. Their height difference was made even more apparent by their close proximity in the confined space of the corridor; the top of her head barely came to his chest. Over the course of their acquaintance, he hadn't failed to notice how..._proportioned _she was. Not that one could ever really tell, given her penchant for layered and often ridiculous attire. Tonight, however, she was wearing far less than in his previous encounters with her. The purple bottoms she wore were exceptionally short and adorned with what looked to be tiny white horses with horns on their heads. And her top bore the colors and insignia of the idiot they called 'Captain America'. Loki fought the urge to roll his eyes.

The girl squirmed under his scrutiny. "_Oh,_ well...I just, uh, had to stop by my room, so Jane asked me to get you. Dinner's almost ready."

His gaze flicked to the partially open door to her room. It was surprisingly tidy for a room so...full. It held all manner of mismatched furniture and decoration, including a tall, near-overflowing bookcase. But what really shocked him were the walls. Unlike the rest of the apartment, they weren't a variation of white or beige. No, they were the most startling shade of electric _blue_.

Sensing his curiosity, she explained, "After we moved in, Pepper let me paint..." she glanced back into the room, smiling proudly, "Did it myself. It's a _really _hot color, huh? Blue is my favorite."

Loki grappled for a response, but before he could formulate anything even relatively coherent, she slipped past him to flounce back toward the kitchen._ Silver tongue, be damned._ Dazed, he simply stared after her, mouth slightly agape. It took a minute for him to realize she had turned to address him,

_"-coming?"_

She was looking back at him with wide, expectant eyes and toying nervously with one long strand of her mahogany hair. _Did she just...coming?_

"I'm sorry, what?" Loki practically whispered.

"I said, are you _coming_?..." she enunciated slowly, with a look of mild irritation.

More stunned silence.

"...ooookay, or just, you know, stand there." Darcy spun and continued her way down the hall, so rapt with thoughts of sangria that she completely missed the slightly choked look on his face.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: lol. Oh, Darcy...if you only knew...**

**Coming up... Halloween party, Jane and Darcy pre-game, and Darcy/Loki fluff and feels. Catch ya on the flip side! Leave a review, I don't bite...hard. Xoxo**


	6. Tricky

**A/N: Hey, y'all! Hope this is as fun to read as it was to write! As always, much love to my followers and favorite-ers! A huge shoutout to JigokuShoujosRevenge and flaming-amber, who always leave the best reviews! Oh, and the great Annie Mar! It is enormously flattering when an exceptionally awesome fanfic writer tells you they enjoy something you wrote! ;)**

**If you see errors, please tell me! I read over it several times, but it is late and I is tireddddd! **

Two songs, just because:

"Gold on the Ceiling" The Black Keys

"Tricky" Run DMC

**Disclaimer: Same as always, blah blah. But seriously, buy the songs. **

* * *

><p>Darcy stared down at her watch. 5...4...3...2...<p>

"JANE! It's 4:30, I'm leaving!"

Even though it was Saturday and the Halloween party was tonight, Jane insisted that she and Darcy head down to the lab to finish up some paperwork. Much to Darcy's chagrin, of course. All day she'd been counting down the minutes until she could leave to go get ready. She had big plans for the night. BIG plans.

She'd been shamelessly flirting with Scott from Accounting for months and tonight Operation: Darcy Gets Laid was on. _So on_. She had been going through a bit of a dry spell lately...and Scott was just the penis to get her through it. He was tall and lanky, with sandy brown hair and pretty brown eyes. He was sweet and witty, too, but Darcy wasn't looking for anything serious. She didn't do relationships. But Scott seemed like exactly what she needed. _For tonight anyway._..

"Oh...well, ok. You go ahead. Tell Thor I'll be up in about an hour, aight?"

"Will do! But hurry your ass up, Foster!" Darcy called over her shoulder as she rushed out of the lab, smiling the whole way.

Tonight was gonna be EPIC.

* * *

><p>It was almost 6:00 before Jane made it back to the apartment. And as soon as she stepped through the door, she heard it.<p>

Slowly she made her way down the hall and into the living room/kitchen area, eyes narrowed suspiciously. _It couldn't be...no..._

Loki was sitting on the couch reading a book and looked up as she entered, an irritated scowl on his face. "Thank gods you're back, Miss Foster. Perhaps you can convince your friend to change that blasted song... It has been playing _over_ and_ ov-_"

"Loki..." she said slowly, eyes flicking nervously between the god and the hallway to her left, "exactly how long as this song been playing?"

"Why d-"

"_How long_, Loki?"

"Perhaps a quarter of an hour? I fail to see why that matters...but I swear, if I have to listen to it one mo-"

Jane felt all of the blood drain out of her face. _Oh no._ She hadn't heard this song since...since... _Oh man, this was gonna be bad...there was just no way_. She knew the party was tonight, but she was not prepared for what she _knew_ was about to go down. Jane was getting too old for this shit...

"What is wrong, woman? Speak!" Loki looked legitimately concerned as he set his book down and stood. "Thor! Come in here! Something is wrong with your mortal..."

"My Jane! What is the matter?" Thor asked as he rushed in.

But Jane ignored them both and took off down the hall toward Darcy's room, sliding across the hardwood. "_Darcy_! Darcy Scarlett Lewis! Open this door _right now_!" Jane yelled banging on the door, jiggling the door knob futilely.

Loki and Thor exchanged a wary look and followed cautiously.

"Jane..." Thor approached her as one might approach a particularly vicious dog, "is there something wrong with Lady Darcy? What is the matter, my love?"

When Jane whirled to face the brothers, her eyes looked wild. And maybe even a little scared. "_I'm so sorry, guys_...I- I should have known! All of the signs were there! I was just so caught up with work!"

Loki had had just about enough, "Snap out of it, woman! What is wrong?!"

"It's Darcy... This song... It's her siren song." Jane whispered anxiously.

"Siren song?" Thor queried.

Jane blushed furiously, "She's, uh...She's going to..."

"What? Lure a man to his demise?" Loki asked sardonically.

"In a manner of speaking..."

Jane watched as understanding slowly dawned upon the two gods. "Ohhh."

"Yeah..."

"But wait," Thor looked confused again, "Why is this a problem? Lady Darcy may yet find a good match at Brother Stark's celebration..."

"Yeah, no."

"But..."

"_No_."

"How..."

"Negative."

"Wait a moment," Loki interjected, peering at Jane, "you mean to say that the girl plans to, er, _seduce _a male at this 'party'? But is not searching for...anything more permanent?"

"Yeah, basically."

The two Asgardians pondered this for a moment. Then Thor spoke up, "And it is your intent to _stop_ her, correct?"

"God, no! I don't care who she screws! She's a grown ass woman, Thor!"

Thor's eyes were bugging out of his head at this point, but Loki just looked bored and annoyed again, "So if you do not plan to stop her, what _are_ you doing, pray tell?"

"Look, I need to talk her down a little. She's gonna try to get me involved, ok!"

Thor looked like he couldn't decide if he wanted to cry or was ready to break something, but Jane continued her rant.

"And probably Thor, too! And- and maybe even you, Loki!" she had started to pace and was gesturing wildly, "And, frankly, I just don't know if I can keep up anymore!"

Now Thor looked ill and Loki looked like he might pass out.

When Jane rounded on them, "It's gonna b-...what's wrong with you two?! Why are you looking at me like that?"

"_In-involved?_" Loki choked out.

Jane looked abashed, "JESUS CHRIST, GUYS! Not like that! Oh my god! What the fuck?! I can't believe you'd even _think_- ugh! Noooo, she's gonna want us to-"

Just then the door to Darcy's room swung open, causing the three to jump. They turned toward her and, taking in her appearance, shared identical shocked expressions.

Darcy, however, was grinning from ear to ear, "TIME TO DRANK, BITCHESSSSSS!"

* * *

><p>The mortal girl looked...different.<p>

Rather than their normal disarray, her curls were perfectly arranged. Her spectacles were also missing and her blue eyes were outlined with a dark charcoal color, making them look impossibly bigger. But it was her lips that were the most striking. They were painted a vibrant shade of red.

Then there was her clothing. Thor had explained that mortals celebrated "All Hallows Eve" by dressing up to emulate others, but this...was not what Loki had expected. Her faded, ripped jeans were practically painted on, as was her black top which was cropped just above her navel. She also donned combat boots and a leather vest with..._were those Valkyrie wings stitched across the back?_ In one hand she gripped a large plastic weapon and in the other a bottle labeled "Fake Blood".

"My cosplay game is on point, right?!" Darcy beamed at her three gaping roommates.

"Um, I thought you were supposed to be Daryl Dixon?" Jane finally piped up, clearly flabbergasted.

"Dude, I _am_ Daryl Dixon! Only like, the female version! Check it out, I got a sweet crossbow and everything!" Darcy hefted the toy weapon with a smile. "Where are your costumes? Go change! It's time to pregame!"

They watched, dumbfounded, as Darcy swooped past them toward the kitchen. When the the tell tale clinking of glass reached them it was Jane who moved first, the two gods tailing her.

As they rounded the kitchen counter, they found the girl rifling through the cabinet below the sink, crossbow and fake blood bottle sitting on the floor.

"Darcy, we need to talk about tonight..."

"Ok, but shot first!" Darcy stood with a smile, hoisting a large bottle filled with a golden liquid and placing it on the countertop.

"Tequila, Darce, really?"

"Duh. Tequila makes my clothes fall off, which makes _his_ clothes fall off... It's like the win-win of liquors, Jane!"

"His?"

"Yeah, Scott...from Accounting."

"I'm pretty sure his name is Sebastian."

"Scott...Sebastian...same thing," the girl returned flippantly.

"You don't need to get wasted to talk to guys, Darcy..."

"No, I need it to _hit on _guys, there is a difference," she replied as she dug through drawer, chuckling in victory as she located two small glasses.

"That is seriously messed up..." Jane muttered, closing her eyes and shaking her head.

"What are you, my therapist? Look, are we gonna drink or explore my intimacy issues, because I'm getting thirsty over here."

"I am not doing _this_ with you tonight." Jane said with exasperation, gesturing toward the bottle that Darcy was struggling to open.

The girl stopped tugging on the plastic seal of the liquor bottle and pouted at Jane, "But..but you're my wing woman, Jane! You have to!"

"Steve Rogers would shit bricks, Darce. _Literal bricks."_

"Oh, I know you just did _not_! His overprotective ass has _nothing_ to do with this. This is about you and me and friendship, Jane. FRIENDSHIP!"

Loki, who'd been observing the mortals' exchange in silence thus far, wondered what Captain America had to do with this ridiculous situation. Given the amount of tension in the room, he decided it best not to ask. Instead he whispered to Thor, "What is a 'wing woman'?"

"It is, sort of a drinking partner," Thor murmured back, "Apparently, Lady Darcy requires Jane to partake in drink with her in order to gain the powers necessary to seduce the Man of Accounting. _Copious amounts _of drink."

Jane's voice pulled them back to the matter at hand.

"Darce..."

"No! You promised me more friend time, now pay up!"

"That's not-"

"C'mon, Jane! Pleeeeease! It will be awesome! Like the old days! Remember that time we went to Albuquerque? That night was _so_ fun!"

"DARCE!" Jane screeched, shooting a pointed look in Thor's direction, "we are not doing Albuquerque again...OR Santa Fe!"

"Please please please please PLEASE! You know you want to! I'm begging you, Janey! I need this! _Poor Scott_ needs this!"

"Sebastian..."

"What_ever_!"

Jane sighed in defeat, but a small smile played on her lips.

"Fine. We can get Tricky. But I'm not getting drunk, Darcy, I mean it! And no body shots. Or dancing on furniture. OF ANY KIND."

"But, Jaaaaannne!"

"NO. BUTS. And don't you dare make a butt joke, either."

"You are a fun sucker, Jane Foster! A sucker of fun!"

"Just shut up and pour the shots."

Darcy grinned mischievously as she ripped the cap off of the liquor bottle and sloshed the golden liquid into the glasses. They clinked the tiny cups together gingerly before quickly downing them. Jane with a terrible grimace and Darcy with a satisfied 'ahhh', before she yelled, "ANOTHER!" and smashed the tiny glass in the sink.

Thor turned away from the women, and leaned toward him, "Brother, I know you were not inclined to attend the Man of Iron's gathering tonight... But I think perhaps it would be best if you came. I...I feel that I may require...assistance if I am to escort the ladies safely. My Jane does not tolerate alcohol well..."

Loki glanced back at the two mortals, who were now each downing their third 'shot'.

"I think perhaps you are right... But I am _not _wearing a 'costume'."

"But brother," Thor smirked, "I thought you were so fond of them...you could always disguise yourself as the Allfather, again."

"Shut up, Thor."

* * *

><p>Loki had witnessed all manner of debauchery in his millennia. Hel, he had <em>caused <em>all manner of debauchery in his millennia. But nothing in the Nine could have prepared him for this.

It had started innocently (if not irritatingly) enough.

By the time they had arrived, both mortals were well and fully imbibed. They had laughed, stumbled, chattered and sang the entire way up to the ballroom, much to his extreme annoyance. And Thor...well, Thor just _looked_ ridiculous.

If he hadn't already regretted his decision to attend, he most assuredly would have by the time they entered the room. It was opulent, bordering on gaudy. Even by Asgardian standards. But that absurd level of ostentation was no less than he expected from Stark. The lighting was minuscule at best and accented by a multitude of flashing and strobing colors. But worse was the sheer number of mortals. A veritable ocean of them, costumes ranging from clever to obscene, writhed to the loud, obnoxious music that blared throughout the large space.

Quickly, they had procured a table. One close to the bar area, per Darcy's insistence. Just as Loki was about to tell Thor that he'd had quite enough and was leaving, the supposed 'crisis' had occurred. The mortal boy that Darcy had planned to copulate with had apparently been discovered "making out" with "some nasty bitch" near the restrooms. The girls were extremely vexed by this revelation. And Darcy proceeded to describe, in great detail, all of the "awesome" acts which the imbecile would be missing out on. Jane was quite sympathetic. And based upon Darcy's varied and colorful descriptions, Loki was inclined to agree. _Missing out, indeed. _

The turn of events resulted in the two already intoxicated mortals determining that the best recourse was to partake in more shots of tequila. _Many, many more_. And that is how Loki found himself in his current situation.

He and Thor stood, mouths agape, at the front of a crowd of jeering party goers surrounding the large bar near their table. And Darcy Lewis and Jane Foster were putting on quite the show. Jane was crawling, _actually crawling,_ across the bar making cat claws and meowing in Thor's general direction. Darcy, on the other hand, was wiggling and swinging her hips to the music, holding herself upright with the help of a pole connecting the bar to the ceiling.

When the music changed, both girls squealed in delight, making their way back toward each other. Then proceeding to dance together in the most provocative position Loki had ever witnessed outside of a bedroom.

Loki was seldom lost for words. However, during his limited residence on Midgard, he'd been unable to find them more times than was strictly comfortable. This was one of those times.

Try as he might, he was unable to peel his eyes off of her. If sober Darcy was amusing, then drunk Darcy was..._damn_.

Vaguely, he noticed that the mortal was beginning to tip precariously due to her drunken state. And suddenly, she was flailing downward off the bar with a squeal. On instinct, Loki reached out at caught the her by the waist before she could hit the floor.

"My heroooo!" she slurred up at him, eyes bleary.

Thor looked at him with an expression of worry. "I think it is best we depart, Loki. Escort Lady Darcy to the elevators. I must collect Jane," he called over the thrum of the music.

Loki nodded curtly and, realizing he was still holding the drunken girl, placed her back on the floor. "Come, mortal. I will accompany you back to the apartment," he said, beginning to wind his way through the now booing crowd.

"But I don-wanna goooo!"

Loki grimaced, realizing she hadn't followed, but was still leaning against the bar for support. _Foolish, ridiculous girl._ Without another word, he stormed back over and swiftly picked her up and began toting her toward the exit.

"Hey! Put me the fuck down!" Darcy shrieked, clutching him.

Loki rolled his eyes at her dramatics and tried not to dwell on the feeling of her in his arms.

As soon as they were out in the hallway Loki took a deep breath. Thank gods they were out of there. Gently, he attempted to put Darcy down, but she stumbled so fiercely, he picked her back up. _Damn damn damn_.

"You don't have to carry me, I can walk..." she murmured grouchily.

"Apparently, you cannot," he said, glancing down at her as he strode through the corridor. She was staring up at him with large, glassy eyes and a silly smile.

"Ca'I ask you somethin'?"

"Would simply telling you 'no' stop you, mortal?"

"Loki, why do you hate me?"

He paused mid-stride. She had never called him by his name before.

He cleared his throat and continued walking. "I do not hate you."

"Then why are you such an ass all the time?" she murmured, her lolling head coming to rest on his shoulder. "...Hmm, you smell like peppermint patties."

Loki couldn't stop the chuckle that rumbled through his chest. _Silly drunken creature._

"It is my nature to be an 'ass', Miss Lewis."

"Name is Darcy."

"Darcy."

She giggled quietly, "You make my name sound fancy _as shit_..." Then she mumbled something incoherent about "fucking accents" and...honey?

Loki could see the elevators up ahead. He didn't know whether to feel relieved or disappointed. Suddenly very uncomfortable, he shifted the girl in his arms. Which only caused her to faintly nuzzle into his shoulder. _Damn_.

"Hey, Loki?"

"What now, Darcy?"

"Don't be mean to me anymore, 'kay?" she whispered.

He smirked at her, "Now why would I do something like that?"

"'Cause I'm awesome. And it would freak Jane and Thor and Tony out." she whispered again.

Loki grinned and whispered back, "Most certainly...but why are we whispering?"

"Because reasons."

_The girl is completely absurd,_ he thought with a smile.

But his smile faltered when she continued, "You should totally be my friend. I'm really, really awesome at being a friend."

Loki felt a strange tightness forming in his chest. _Friend? Why would this ridiculous girl want to be friends with him? He had tried, on more than one occasion, to destroy her realm. And furthermore..._

Her sleepy voice shook him from his thoughts, "We're here, Loki. You can put me down now." _Oh_. He hadn't even realized they'd reached their destination.

"Right. Yes."

As he prepared to place her to sit next to the elevators while they awaited Jane and Thor, her small arms tightening around his neck halted him.

"What _are_ you doing?"

"'M hugging you, dummy."

"Whatever for?"

"For saving me."

Loki scoffed. "I did no such thing."

"Yeeeeah. Ya did. Like a Disney Princessssss!" Darcy murmured dreamily.

He straightened back to his full height and glowered down at her, but she just smiled lazily back up at him with those damned eyes.

"Tonight was fun...did you have fun tonight?"

"No."

She squinted at him, "You're lying to me, aren't you?"

"Perhaps."

"Are we friends now?"

"_Perhaps_."

"Heh. We're totally friends."

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Ehehehehe! Such fun, so feels! FYI, going back to work tomorrow, so I won't be able to update as often. Bummer. But encouragement always helps me write faster, so leave some love in the box on your way out!**


	7. Ragoo

**A/N: Another really long chapter… sorry. Also, some mild fluffs ahead! ****FYI, there is a SHIT TON of dialogue in this. Honestly, I don't know if that is really my strong suit, but I hope you enjoy the banter! **

**And, 50+ flipping followers?! Holy Moses! You guys are the bomb dot com!**

**Song: **"Ragoo" Kings of Leon

**DISCLAIMER: If it looks, sounds, tastes, smells, or feels like Marvel, it ain't mine. Which is really sort of tragic. Also, I do not own ****the rights to ****any of these songs. But I do own them. On my iTunes. 'Cause I bought them. 'Cause I'm cool and support artists like thatttttt... *hint hint***

**REVIEW! xoxo**

* * *

><p>If you asked him, he'd deny it. Loki Laufeyson did not waste time thinking about silly mortal girls. He most certainly did not take quiet moments to dwell on soft brown curls and guileless eyes. He definitely did not replay images of a small, pale hand reaching for his. Nor did he speculate on the positive attributes of the color blue or the meaning of Too-Ra-Loo-Ra. He absolutely did not lay awake at night pondering hugs and drunken offers of friendship, much less considering them. That would be utterly ridiculous. Repugnant, even. No, he did not think about Darcy Lewis. <em>Not at all<em>.

* * *

><p>The start of the next week was pretty hellish. Sunday had greeted them with a massive hangover. Jane stayed in bed all freaking day. The only other time she had done that was when Thor first moved in. And it won't because she was sick. Hence, the updated sound proofing around their room.<p>

Oh, and there was also the Monday night rescreening of her and Jane's little "performance", curtesy of Tony Asshole Stark. Apparently, JARVIS had recorded the entire show. Tony made everyone come down to the rec room and watch. There was popcorn. Jane made Darcy promise him a Throwback Thorsday in order to keep the vid off YouTube. Lame. Saving a little face wasn't worth all that Whitesnake, if you asked her. Besides, apparently Tony had sent it to Steve and Nat, too. So Darcy was already fucked on that front.

In other words, everything was business as usual. Except Loki. He was being...weird. Well, Loki was always fucking weird, but Darcy had come to expect certain things from him. For example, she expected him to be a douche. But he wasn't being a douche, or cold, or snarky. He was being...awkward. He was doing this shit where he was either completely ignoring her or staring a hole through her head. It was getting creepy. Darcy was pretty sure it was because she had freaked him out Saturday night. She knew Drunk!Darcy could be a little...overwhelming. And she could vaguely remember basically forcing him into being friends with her. Heh. But that was really no reason for him to be acting so fucking sketch...and she'd had just about enough.

By the time Darcy had made it down to the labs Wednesday morning, her Science!Babies were already hard at work. Except Bruce, who apparently was off attending some granola-crunch, hippie conference about the perks of meditation or some shit. Instead, Jane was in his usual spot at the drawing board working out what looked to be a Sheldon-Cooper-level equation. Tony was at his workbench fiddling with some new specialized arrows for Clint. And Thor was sitting in a chair between them playing Candy Crush on Jane's phone.

"Morning, babies!" she beamed at them.

A chorus of distracted greetings answered her.

As she strolled toward her desk, she noticed Loki sitting at one of the long metal tables toward the back of the lab, reading through yet another chart. He looked incredibly bored. She closed her eyes and heaved a small sigh before turning to head his way. When she stopped directly in front of him, he didn't even look up._ So he was ignoring today, how nice_. Darcy cleared her throat. Loudly.

"Hey, Tricks McGee!"

When he looked up from his papers, his face was carefully neutral, "Oh, good morning, Miss Lewis. I hadn't realized you'd come in."

The amount of effort it took for her to suppress an eye roll was physically fucking painful. _That's fine, two can play that game_.

"_Yeah. _Well, I got some notes I have to transcribe for Jane, and guess what? I'm going to sit back here _with you_!"

From the confused and slightly alarmed look on his face, she might as well have told him she planned to sprout wings and start shitting rainbows. Good. "Okayyy, well, I'm gonna go get my laptop and stuff!" she smiled cheerfully, and sped off before he could protest.

When she reached her desk, she quickly gathered her things and stuffed them in her messenger bag then headed toward the Keurig. She started the machine up and rummaged through the cabinet for her box of K-Cups. But when she reached for her favorite mug, she paused. Smiling to herself, she quickly grabbed two.

Ten minutes later, Loki started at the coffee cup suddenly placed on top of the chart he was making notes on.

"Here, I got you some coffee, too."

Loki stared at the cup, mouth slightly agape, before squinting up at her, "_Why_?"

"Look, if you don't want it..."

"I..." he paused, mystified, "thank you."

Darcy bit back a grin, "You're very welcome." Man, fucking with Loki was gonna be fun.

Darcy plopped down in the open chair beside him and began setting up her computer and Jane's notes. She grimaced at the stack of papers._ Damn chicken scratch_. But at least she didn't have to work on Tony's today. If possible, his handwriting was even worse. At least she knew she had job security. There was no way anyone else could decipher this crap.

For a while, they sat in silence. Him reading and shifting uncomfortably and her typing and trying not to laugh at him. As she took another sip of her now-cool coffee, movement in the corner of the room caused her to look up over the rim. It was Tony heading over to the supply closet. _Uh-oh_. Darcy scrambled for her messenger bag and dug around until she found her iPod. _Bingo_!

As she unwound the cords, she eyed Tony's progress toward the closet. Slowly, she moved her leg to softly tap Loki's foot under the table, startling him.

"Here, take this." she whispered, offering him one of her ear buds as she slid the other into her ear.

He looked at the small piece of plastic as if it were the most offensive thing he'd ever seen, "What-?"

"Just trust me, ok? Take it."

Cautiously, he plucked the earbud from her fingers and gingerly placed it in his ear. The confused look on his face was priceless and, frankly, adorable.

Darcy smirked as she scrolled through her playlists until she found the perfect one. She tapped on the screen and settled back in her chair, work abandoned and arms crossed, "Show time."

Loki was looking at her as if she were fifty shades of crazy, but she just winked at him mischievously, "Wait for it..."

"FOSTER!" Tony roared from inside the storage room.

Darcy was full on grinning now. Guess Tony found out where Jane had put all of her old science crap.

As they looked on, chaos ensued. Quietly, Darcy began to narrate the argument like it was a telenovela. Character voices included. Obviously, Tony was Jane's irate husband who had just discovered another man's banana hammock in their bedroom. Cue Thor. Loki was choking back quiet laughter at her monologue and Darcy felt a little proud at that. He had a nice laugh.

But just as Thor went to grab Tony around the neck, Darcy's cell phone began to vibrate. Steve Rogers. Fuuuuccckk! He must have seen the video.

She turned to Loki, handing him the other earbud. "It's Steve, so I gotta take it. But it'll be quick. I've got money on a plot twist in the third act where Antonio is actually Tomas' father," she smirked.

He looked at her curiously, "The Captain?"

"Yeah," she murmured distractedly as she slid the lock screen over and started heading for the lab doors.

"STEVE, DON'T BE MAD, OK?"

* * *

><p>The next few days went on in basically the same manner. Darcy would get to work, grab her stuff, and go sit by Loki. She'd talk to him throughout the day, rambling on about this or that. Sometimes he contributed to the conversation, but mostly he didn't. If Jane, Thor, or Tony thought it was weird (she was positive they did), they didn't say anything. Not that Darcy cared. Sitting with him and running her mouth was 1000x better than him creepily staring at and ignoring her. Plus, it was super fun to fuck with him during Tony's Throwback Thorsday. Apparently, Loki was <em>not<em> a fan. But eventually, he stopped being such an awkward turtle. On Friday, she'd even found her cup of coffee waiting for her at her seat next to him.

At work, he was opening up a little. But in the evenings, when they all went back to the apartment, he ate dinner quickly then went to hide in his room. For some reason, that really bothered her. He was so awkward and hard-headed. It reminded her a little of Steve. Not that she would ever say that to either of them. She did value her life. But seriously, how was Loki ever going to stop being such a dick to everyone if he didn't even _try_?

So, it surprised the shit out of her when she found him out in the living room Sunday morning.

"Hey," Darcy startled as she walked into the living room, "What are you doing?"

"Reading."

"Well, no shit, Sherlock. I mean what are you doing _here_. Why aren't you with Thor?" she called as she headed toward the kitchen to get a bowl of cereal. Silently, she thanked Oprah that she'd put on pants before coming out of her room. She'd planned on having the apartment to herself.

"Certain...amendments have been made regarding my service to your realm. I may be out of his presence as long as I am confined to this apartment. At this moment, he is conferring with Stark, Barton, and Fury. My presence was not warranted."

"Oh. That's cool. Can you leave the tower yet? Like, if he's with you?"

"Not at this time, no."

"Well, that sucks."

Loki shrugged noncommittally, "Why are you not with Jane Foster?"

"Um, it's Sunday? And I already called down to check on her and Bruce," she answered absently, as she sat, bowl in hand, on the couch across from him. "Not that they should even be down there, but what do I... HEY! Is that my book?"

"Yes."

"You've been taking books _from my room_?!"

"Well, it would appear so, wouldn't it..." he deadpanned.

"What the fuck! You can't just take my stuff, man!"

"I had planned to return it."

"That's not the point! You can't just go in my freaking room! That's... fucking creepy!"

"Well, I have not gone in there while you were here, mortal."

"That...that...IT DOESN'T MATTER, LOKI! DO NOT GO IN MY ROOM!"

"Then how am I to get a book, hm?"

"...UGH!" Darcy threw her hands up, "You _wait_ and _ask me_ for one and I bring it _to you_!"

Loki looked at her curiously, "You would lend me a book if I asked?"

"Um, if it keeps you out of my fucking room, yeah!"

"Oh. Well...alright. Next time, I shall ask for a book rather than take it."

"_And_ you won't go in my room anymore, right?"

Loki ignored her and kept reading.

* * *

><p>Three hours later, Darcy Lewis was sprawled on the couch next to him, one arm thrown over her eyes. Her other arm stretched out toward him, repeatedly poking him in the thigh with her finger. "<em>I'm so effin' boooored<em>! Aren't you bored?"

"I am near constantly bored, Miss Lewis." Loki replied, not bothering to look up from the book. "You do not see _me_ breaking down into hysterics. And _quit poking me_!"

Darcy snorted derisively and sat up, "Really, dude? _Really_? You filled the lab with _fucking invisible spiders_ because you were bored."

He shrugged with a smirk, "I simply make my own entertainment...and they were visible. To_ you_."

"_Ha. Ha_."

Darcy stared at him calculatingly for a moment, "We should play a game…"

"A _game_?" he asked condescendingly, finally flicking his eyes up to her.

"Yeah, it's something you do for fu-"

"I know what a game is, mortal, I'm not daft."

"Well _excuse_ me..." Darcy mumbled, then an idea struck her,"...What about Twenty Questions?"

He stared at her blankly.

"It's a game where you ask the person you're playing with twenty questions and they have to answer them. _Truthfully_. But you take turns. Like, I ask you a question then you ask me a question."

"That does not sound like a game." he replied flatly, immediately returning to the book.

"Um, except that it is..."

"If it _is_ a game, then how do you know who the victor is?"

"Um, well, there's not a score or anything. No one wins, you just play for fun. To learn interesting or funny stuff about the other person."

Loki pondered this for a moment. "...That is a ridiculous premise. A game implies there will be a winner. As I said, it is not a game."

"I mean, do you have anything _better_ to be doing right now?"

He shot a pointed look to the book in his hands.

"Didn't think so."

This earned her a withering look, "Regardless, I decline your offer to play this '_game'_. It is pointless."

"What if... what if I make rules? Like, so one of us can win the game."

"What rules do you propose?" he asked in a bored tone.

"Ok…well…how about...I ask you twenty questions, but you only have to answer nineteen of them truthfully. One can be a lie. If I guess the lie, I win. Same goes for me. If you can guess _my_ one lie, you win."

"That is absurd. You will most assuredly lose." he replied matter-of-factly.

"Wanna bet?"

"Mortal – I am _the God of Lies_. What about that is difficult for you comprehend? _You. Will. Lose._ I will know your lie instantly."

"Fine. So I won't lie. I suck at it anyway. I'll do twenty truths and you do nineteen. If I can guess _your_ lie, I win. If I guess wrong, you win."

"And what do I win?"

"1) You're not gonna win. B) Nothing."

"Unacceptable. There is no incentive."

"Jesus...Just forget it! I mean you get to ask me _what ever you want_ and I have to tell you the truth! Isn't that incentive enough?"

"Perhaps. Perhaps not. There should be stakes to a game."

Darcy sighed heavily, "_If_ you win...I will stop bothering you about not dancing on Throwback Thorsdays."

Loki's smile was almost predatory. "Deal."

"WAIT!" Darcy amended, "If I win, you have to let me cut your hair. You're starting to look homeless."

"There is nothing wrong with my hair!"

"Um, yeah. There is. Don't worry! I won't cut it short, you look better with longer hair. You just need a trim."

Loki glared at her, "Fine. I accept your terms. But only because you _will_ lose."

"Whatever. Oh! And you _can't cheat_. And you _can't lie_ about the lie! Or lie about...the truths. And don't lie to me about lying about the lies or the tru- _ugh_, just...no lying, ok?!"

Loki quirked a dark eyebrow in response.

"Except for the one lie! Jesus!"

"I'm sorry, I still do not understand. Could you please explain that once more?" he smiled innocently.

"NO. And that counts as your first question."

"But-"

"My turn! Did you have sex with a horse?"

"Absolutely not! That is a repulsive slander dispersed by a bitter, self-righteous quim whose attentions I shunned. Obviously, with good reason, _I might add._"

"HA! _Quim_! I'm soooo using that word from now on. You gods and your sweet talk..."

Loki scowled at her.

"Anyway, I call truth on that one. Your turn."

Loki paused, debating his question, "...Why do you prefer the color blue?"

"Uh, I don't know. Because it's pretty? Why does anyone like anything?...I just like it! That's a weird ass question, dude. You need some practice at this game. Why do _you_ like the color green?"

"I have never claimed to prefer that color. I do not know why everyone assumes that."

"Um, just gonna hazard a guess here...but it's probably because _everything you own_ is green. I'm shocked that your Glowstick of Destiny wasn't green..."

Loki glared sharply, "I did not _create_ the Tesseract, mortal."

"Well, DUH. But if you _had_, it would've been green, wouldn't it?" she smiled smugly.

"I shall not dignify that with an answer."

"Fine. I should call those all lies, but the person you're lying to is yourself. So I'll just go with truth. Your turn."

"How did you come to work for Jane Foster? You don't seem..."

"Like a Science!Nerd? Yeah, that's 'cause I'm not. I needed six credits to finish my Political Science degree at Culver, so I applied for Jane's internship."

"_Political_ Science? What does tha-"

"Hey! It's a "science", too! Kind of...maybe. I donno... I was bored and looking at stars sounded fucking cool! I figured it would be an adventure before graduation."

"Hmm."

"Do you have a son that's a snake?"

"...that is...debatable."

"Um, nooooo. That is _so definitely not_ debatable! Either ya do, or ya don't. And please tell me you do, because that would be _bad ass!_"

"I do. But he is not always a snake."

"NUH-UH! HOLY EFFIN' TRUTH, DUDE! But how-"

"Ah, ah... my turn. Did you truly bring down Thor with his own element?"

She rolled her eyes, "Yeah. He was freaking me out, I tased him. That's old news, dude, I can't believe you wasted a question on that...but the look on his face as he went down _was_ priceless."

Loki chuckled to himself, "I would have enjoyed seeing that immensely."

"Hmmm...Do you still wanna take over Earth?"

"I have no designs on conquering Midgard at this time, no."

Darcy debated this for a moment, regarding him skeptically. "But you still think we're 'made to be ruled', don't you..."

"I have yet to find evidence to the contrary."

"Well...we're gonna have to agree to disagree on _that_ one, Cat-Bag, but at least you're being honest. Your turn, again."

Loki weighed his next question, but his curiosity got the better of him. "What is your relationship to Steve Rogers?"

"He's my friend."

"So...he is not your lover?" Loki looked genuinely confused.

Darcy laughed out loud. Like, the kind of laugh that makes you pee your pants, or gives you deranged hiccups, or, in her case, makes you fall off furniture and proceed to roll around on the floor.

"Are you quite done?" Loki asked with no small amount of annoyance.

"Jesus...eff...oh...Steve...lover...HAAAAAMIGAWD! That...that is too...oh, man..."

"A simple 'no' would have sufficed."

"Oh, shit..." she said breathily as her giggle fit subsided, "I'm sorry but that was just too...lover? Seriously, who says that? HELL NO! Steve's my _friend_. Like, friends that hang out and do stuff together and definitely _do not_ see each other naked."

"I have heard you speaking to him...he seemed to be your guardian, of sorts."

"First of all, _that's_ rude. Stop eavesdropping. Second, since when does speaking to someone equate sleeping with someone? I'm speaking to _you_ right now!"

Loki arched an eyebrow again.

"_Anyway_..." Darcy was beginning to grow annoyed. "He is not my 'guardian' or my 'lover' or any of that shit. _And_ it's my turn again."

"By all means, do continue..." he smirked.

"Why do you lie?" her tone wasn't accusatory, but genuinely curious.

"Because I am th-"

"The God of Lies, blah blah blah. I _know that_. I mean _why_ do you lie? And don't say you can't help it, because that would _be_ a lie."

"The lie is always preferred to the truth. "

Darcy arched a brow, "By others or by you?"

He simply smirked at her again.

"Now you're cheating. Cheating me with riddles."

"I am clearly not cheating, mortal."

"Look, you really need to lay off the 'mortal' thing. I guess nobody has bothered to tell you this, but _we know_ we're mortal. Seriously. We know it. And, believe it or not, we're actually ok with it. It's not an insult, it's just a lame fact. So, if you're trying to offend me, you're really gonna have to step it up, dude."

Loki looked a little baffled. "The insult is implied; mortals are inferior in every way."

Darcy rolled her eyes. "Um, _yeah_, except for our insult skills. Clearly, _those _are superior."

"Well, since you are so 'superior' please enlighten me as to what should I call you, then." he replied snidely.

"Darcy."

"That is your _name_."

"Wow. And he's smart, too! Imagine that!"

He scowled at her and opened his mouth to retort, but she interrupted,

"Look, just call me Darcy, ok? Seriously. All this 'mortal' and 'Miss Lewis' shit is weird as hell. I mean, I call _you_ Loki."

"You just called me 'Cat-Bag' but a moment ago! I'm not even entirely sure what that means!"

"_Fiiiine_. I'll call you Loki _all the time_. Or all the times when I remember. Didn't we already have this conversation? Aren't we friends now?"

"I don't know _what_ you are speaking of."

"And that, ladies and gentlemen, is THE LIE! I WIN, BITCH!"

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Jesus, this got out of hand! I can't believe it ended up being this long! But I wanted to move the story along a bit. Honestly, I tried to edit...I really did! Please point out errors, if ya find them - there are bound to be a few! **

**Next, Loki gets a hair cut, and Darcy bribes people. This won't be nearly as long of a chapter. Review, my lovely mortals, review!**


	8. Whirring

**A/N: Feels and mischief! Enjoy!**

**Holy crap this fic is blowing up! Aghhh the pressure! Hope I continue to live up! Love you all! Xo**

Songs:

"Whirring" Joy Formidable

"Everywhere I Go" New Politics

**DISCLAIMER: I still own nothing...though not for lack of trying! Buy the damn songs.**

* * *

><p>If the past few weeks had taught him anything, it was that Darcy Lewis was an <em>enigma.<em>

Most days, she found him in the lab and situated herself next to him. Often she'd force him to listen to her 'iPod'. She insisted that he needed to develop an appreciation for Midgardian music...something about it's ability to save his immortal soul. When she wasn't forcing music on him, she would prattle on incessantly and, much to his surprise, this didn't irritate him. It was actually quite soothing, in a way. To have someone talk and not expect much from him. But every so often she would ask him a question or seek his opinion on something mundane. This never failed to surprise him. She was so _sincere,_ as if she actually cared what his answer may be...

For the life of him he couldn't figure out _why_. Why was she so disarmingly kind to him? It was as if he was some sort of puzzle to her...a riddle to be solved. It was, in turns, infuriating and addicting. No one had ever bothered to try to know him. At least not without some sort of motive. Most of those motives being to get closer to Thor. But Darcy already knew Thor...and from what Loki could gather, the girl had no machinations regarding his brother. She was far to loyal to Jane Foster.

That was another thing. The girl was very loyal. He'd made the grave mistake of insulting the idiot Steve Rogers in her presence. Mild though the comment was, the girl gave him a verbal lashing that would have made even the Allfather proud. She was quite formidable, when she had mind to be. When he had dared to smirk at her bravado, he soon found the slap Jane Foster had given him was nothing in comparison to the blow of one Darcy Lewis. She'd punched him. _Actually punched him._ Then informed him, rather loudly, that he could thank Steve Rogers, since he'd been the one who had taught her to throw it. Loki had been so impressed, he couldn't even bring himself to be angry.

She was also very smart, though she took great pains to hide it. Not in the same way as Miss Foster, or Bruce Banner, or even (occasionally) Tony Stark. No, Darcy Lewis was clever. And very perceptive. Much more observant than most probably gave her credit for. How could one little mortal be so clever and yet so absurd? It was quite easy to presume that her antics were simply a cover up, a shield that she used to effectively distract those around her. And perhaps that was partially true. But Loki could see that the vast majority of it was genuine. The girl had what he could only describe as a love for the ridiculous. And an innate propensity for mischief. She practically bred chaos. Then she had tricked him with her little game. Loki, the God of Mischief, the Trickster, fooled by a mortal girl! It was outrageous! It was ridiculous! And frankly, it was _arousing!_ And that, _that_, was what made it so utterly and completely unacceptable.

A passing attraction was one thing. But tragically, he'd actually grown _fond_ of Darcy. Fortunately, she was really quite oblivious to it. She tended to be rather easy with her affections toward those around her. He was loathe to admit he even _had_ an attachment to her. At least he didn't have to suffer the mortification of her realizing the impact her company had upon him. He was nothing if not adept at concealing his true sentiments, not that he had many. Sentiment, in any form, was a _disease_, a weakness to be exploited.

He desperately needed to find a solution to this _problem_...but he feared he no longer wanted to.

* * *

><p>Darcy didn't even try to suppress her shit-eating grin as the alarm on her phone sounded again.<p>

"IT'S TIME!" she crowed, causing everyone in the lab to jump. Except Loki. He looked like he was ready to strangle her.

She leaned toward him and whispered tauntingly, "Time to go, Loki."

"Mortal," he whispered back, "it will be my greatest pleasure to cut out your tongue one day."

Darcy smiled serenely at him, "Kinky."

She had set her phone to go off every hour on the hour. ALL. DAY. Counting down until the time when Loki would receive his haircut. Tony and Thor found this hilarious. Jane was less amused. Their shenanigans were apparently not conducive to a productive work day.

Darcy gathered up her things before grabbing his hand and practically dragging him toward the lab doors.

As they walked toward the elevators, Loki glared half-heartedly at her smug smile.

"If you maim me, mortal, I shall show you no mercy."

"Liar." Darcy grinned, mischief in her eyes.

"Wench." he replied, barely suppressing a grin of his own.

"Flattery will get you nowhere...you're still getting a haircut."

* * *

><p>"Are you quite certain you know what you're doing?" he asked tentatively as he watched the girl spread a sheet out on the kitchen floor. <em>Was that his bed sheet?<em>

"Oh, yeah." She replied, dragging a chair over, "I used to cut my dad's hair all the time! Besides, if you don't like it, can't you magic it back?"

"No. I could conceal it with a illusion, but maintaining illusionary magics for long periods can be...unnecessarily draining in my current state."

"Oh. I didn't know magic could run out." She motioned for him to take the seat.

"It doesn't. But it is taxing to use it for extended periods of time when it is limited."

"Hm. Like, so you don't drain your magic-battery?"

Loki sat and rolled his eyes at her comparison, "Essentially."

He observed quietly as the girl neatly arranged the scissors and comb on the counter before she turned to him, a bath towel in hand.

"I'm going to put this around you so I don't get hair on your shirt."

He stiffened as she walked behind him and gently draped the towel over his shoulders.

When she tucked the towel into the collar of his shirt, her warm fingertips grazed the nape of his neck. Loki suppressed a shiver. _Damn_. Then she began running her hands through his hair, sifting through the dark strands. He closed his eyes and pressed his lips tightly together. _Damndamndamn_. _Why in The Nine had he agreed to this? How in Hel had she tricked him?! _Just as he determined that things could not possibly become any worse, she murmured quietly, "Wow, your hair is really soft..."

He swallowed thickly and cleared his throat, "...So, your father let you cut his hair?

This sufficiently distracted her so that she abandoned her ministrations and went to get the scissors and comb. _Thank the merciful Heavens. _

"Of course he did! I was a total daddy's girl! If I wanted it or asked for it, he pretty much let me do it! When I was thirteen, I got it in my head I wanted to be a hairstylist, so he let me start cutting his hair. There were some bad haircuts going on for a while. But he'd just smile and say he loved it then put on a hat." Darcy laughed softly at her memory.

"Anyway, after a while, I got better. Actually, I got pretty good. By then, I'd changed my mind on the hairstylist thing. But I kept cutting his hair anyway..." She paused, before continuing quietly, "He was the best man in the whole world."

"You...loved your father then." Loki shifted uncomfortably.

"Well, _yeah_. And be still! I'm going to start cutting now."

After a moment, she continued, "He wasn't my 'father'. He was my step-dad. I never knew my 'sperm donor'; he skipped out on my mom when I was a baby. Gary married my mom when I was two. He was my _real_ dad. Even raised me after my mom died when I was 8. Car wreck. Then he had a heart attack my second year at Culver."

Loki absorbed this for a moment, "I am sorry."

"Don't be." she said quietly, running the comb slowly through his hair.

The awkward silence was only punctuated by the snip-snip of the scissors. It was the mortal who finally broke it.

"Hey, my birthday is coming up!"

"Birthday?"

"Yup! November 29th."

Loki raised his brows sardonically, "More Midgardian traditions, I take it."

"Hold up...you guys don't celebrate birthdays on Asgard?"

"No."

"But...but why?!"

"When one lives as long as the Aesir, age becomes irrelevant."

"Wait," she said slowly, "do you know when your birthday is?"

"No."

"Are you saying you don't know how old you are?!"

"Not precisely, no. I know generally how-"

"That is the saddest thing I've ever heard Loki!"

"Oh, for gods sakes, woman..."

"It is! I love my birthday week! It's the best week of the whole year!"

"Week? Does not the name imply that ones birthday is just that?_ A day_?

"Yeah, if you're lame maybe."

"I suppose the anniversary of _your_ birth merits an entire week of celebration, then?"

"Let me tell you a little story, Loki..."

Darcy cleared her throat dramatically before continuing in a slow, reverent voice, "Twenty seven years ago, the gods looked down upon Midgard. And they thought, 'You know what, this place looks lame as hell. Let's be benevolent...and shit.'"

Loki released an exasperated sigh, but she continued,

"So unto the boring realm was born an awesome mortal girl named Darcy. All who encountered her learned to pull the sticks out of their asses and have fun. Her humor and beauty were without compare! The size of her chest rivaled only by the size of her-"

"Mouth?"

Darcy broke character to snap at him, "_Hey_! Shut it! I'm telling a story here!..."

"...by the size of her _heart_. She was beloved by superheroes and gods, alike. She was basically the bomb. And every year, on the week of her birth, beings from across the Realms worship and thank her for brightening their dull, dull lives. The end."

"Clearly, a _most revered_ holiday. Appalling that I was previously ignorant of it. " he smirked.

"Yes, well, you are in for a treat, sir. I'm done by the way...here, take a look." She handed him a small mirror.

It actually wasn't bad, he thought with no small amount of surprise as he touched the ends of his hair. They grazed the ends of his shirt collar. He looked...younger, much like his former self. Like he did _before_...

Loki cleared his throat, "It is passable."

Darcy abruptly stopped straightening up and putting her supplies away. When she whirled to face him, her look of indignation was near comical. "Passable?! You look awesome! I would never let anyone '_passable_' come to my birthday party! Hotties only. Now thank me, puny god!"

_Ridiculous creature_. "I'm sure." he smiled indulgently, "But what, might I ask, will these festivities entail?"

"Well, it's the week of Thanksgiving, so I thought we could do Friendsgiving and karaoke on that Friday."

Loki looked at her blankly.

"OHMIGAWD! You don't know about any of that do you? This is gonna be so EPIC! There is this great little bar near my favorite Thai restaurant that does karaoke and-"

"Darcy," he interrupted her excited rambling, "I cannot leave the tower."

It was Darcy who smiled indulgently this time, "You just let me worry about that. Now, I have this song I think would be _perfect_..."

* * *

><p>The next day, Darcy approached Thor in the lab.<p>

"Morning, buddy!"

He grunted a response, absorbed in his latest level of Candy Crush.

"Something wrong?"

"I cannot seem to defeat this blasted level!"

Darcy peered over his shoulder and pouted sympathetically. "Oh, that's too bad...I beat that level _months_ ago." she shrugged, turning to head toward her desk.

She hadn't made it three steps before Thor called after her, "Wait!"

Darcy grinned to herself. _This was gonna be too easy..._

* * *

><p>Like clockwork, Darcy received an email from Nick Fury two days later requesting a meeting with her at 9:00 on Friday.<p>

When the anticipated day rolled around, Darcy practically jumped out of bed to get ready. As she stood in front of the bathroom mirror practicing her best _Phil Coulson I-mean-business-face, _she sighed. Handling Thor was one thing...but Director Fury?

_Why the hell was she even doing this, anyway_? Yeah, messing with Loki was sort of fun. Hilarious, actually. And maybe he wasn't as big of a brat as she first thought. But going to all of this trouble? So what if he was kind of cool and nice to talk to and nice to look a- _Nope. NOPE. _**_NOPE!_ **

Darcy scowled at her reflection.

_**No.**_ Loki was a friggin' magical alien god. She was a bonafide babysitter. He was a deranged _murderer_. At worst, she was a mouthy smartass. He sent a freaking _Transformer_ to kill them. She _watched _Transformers _on Blu-Ray_. He ripped out a dude's fucking _eyeball_. She didn't even like taking out her contacts. He sent a bunch of Creepy Crawlers through a wormhole to take over Earth with his Glowstick. She once sent an ex-boyfriend dog poop in the mail. _Anonymously._

_WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK WAS SHE DOING?!_

_Being his friend, _a small part of her whispered, _he needs a friend_.

Damn her tender, bleeding heart. Steve would die, a_bsolutely die, _if he knew. She had very intentionally forgotten to fill him in on all of that. Was an omission a lie? She never lied to Steve about anything before. But this was for his own good, right? He wouldn't understand. He'd be so caught up on the past. I mean, yeah Loki had done some really messed up shit...

_But-_

All those things...the murdering, eyeball ripping, Transformer sending...she didn't know _that_ Loki. She just couldn't reconcile that image with the guy that made her coffee in the morning, read Harry Potter, and really liked The Clash (even though he said he didn't).

Baddies, true baddies, weren't fun, or funny, or awkward-sweet or anything like that. Even Natasha _used_ to be a baddie, right? But she changed. Maybe...maybe that's how it was with Loki? She knew Steve would disagree but she'd just have to convince him when the time came. Hell, if she could pull off negotiating with Nick Fury, Steve would be a walk in the park, right?

* * *

><p>Nick Fury's office was pretty much exactly what Darcy had expected. <em>Boring.<em> Plain white walls, sleek modern furniture. Bland. Impersonal. Except for one thing...a framed picture sitting on his desk...of a seriously overweight tabby cat.

_DEAR LORD, PLEASE LET THAT CAT BE NAMED NICK PURR-Y._

"I think you know why I asked you to meet with me, Miss Lewis." The surly Director was pacing, arms clasped behind his back, in front of the large windows that comprised the back wall.

Darcy peeled her eyes away from the picture to stare up at the man from her seat in one of the two chairs flanking his desk. She opened her mouth to reply (or ask about the cat, she wasn't sure which) but Fury continued,

"Thor came to me earlier this week. He told me that his brother has been doing well since moving from his cell into your apartment. He seems to think that with a little more...experience, Laufeyson may prove to be more _willingly_ useful here."

"Okay..."

"Basically, Loki needs to assimilate. Thor doesn't feel that he's the best person for the job, considering his own limited knowledge of our culture. And his obligations to Asgard, SHEILD and the Avengers are becoming...more involved. His constant presence in the labs is interfering with that."

Darcy suppressed a smile. "I'm sorry...but what does that have to do with me?"

"He suggested you for the job. Apparently, Laufeyson _listens_ to you...for whatever reason. Dividing his supervision has already been cleared with Asgard."

She didn't even have to fake her surprise. _When did...?_

The Director's impatient glare broke her from her thought, "I...I will have to think about it, sir."

"Obviously, there will be a raise involved. And you'll be given a higher clearance level."

Darcy internally fist bumped, struggling to keep her face neutral. "So, what you're saying is...you want pay me more money to _hang out_ with Loki?"

Fury stopped his pacing to gaze at her evenly. "Yes. You seem to have a way with people, Lewis." He paused thoughtfully, "Even Captain Rogers has transitioned much more smoothly, since you two..." He gestured vaguely.

"Since we _what_?" Darcy snapped, glaring at the Director. _Jesus H. Christ, did everyone around here think she was sleeping with Steve?!_

Fury didn't even have the decency to look ashamed. "Became involved."

Now Darcy was pissed. "I am not 'involved' with anyone, _sir_."

Fury regarded her curiously for a moment. "Are you going to take the job, or not?"

"Well, I'm just not sure..." Fury was definitely going to pay for her cooperation, now.

Fury closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose. "Just tell me what else you want and get it over with, Lewis."

"If I'm gonna have to watch him or help rehabilitate him or whatever, I'm gonna need clearance to take him out of the tower...with supervision, of course."

"Absolutely not!"

"No deal, then."

The stare off that ensued lasted a solid three minutes, but Darcy refused to crack. _PhilCoulsonPhilCoulsonPhilCoulsonPhilCoulson..._

"FINE. But there will be at least one Avenger with you _AT ALL TIMES_. And all of your little excursions will be cleared with me. _Directly_."

Darcy smiled smugly as she stood. "Was fun doing business with ya, _Nick_."

As she reached the door to the office, she turned, "Oh...one more thing. I'm gonna need a new iPod, too."

Fury's jaw was clenched so tightly, Darcy was pretty sure he would break it and there was a vein popping out on his forehead. "Stark _just_ gave you a new iPod!" he ground out.

"It's not for me." Darcy beamed before slipping out and tearing off down the hallway.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Next chapter is gonna be soooo much fun! I already have it picked, but I wonder...can any of you guess the 'perfect' karaoke song? Lol**

**See that little box down there? Yeah? Use it to tell me what you think! ;)**


	9. The Greatest

**A/N: Dear sweet readers...I owe you all a sincere apology for several reasons... A) this took forever, but work is trying to kill me so it's not my fault, I swear. **

**B) this long awaited chapter is outta-control-level long, so I kindaaaa had to break it into two chapters *ducks flying tomatoes* DON'T BE MAD, OKAY? It woulda been like ~9,000 words and I'm going for consistency here. I think/hope it'll be worth it...the second half should be up by tomorrow or Monday.**

**C) this (well, really the next) chap is straight up crack to the max! I don't even know what's happening anymore! Control: I haz none.**

**I probably need a beta, or at least someone brave enough to try to tame my ADD...I feel like this story is just a bunch of really long one shots strung together lol. **

**Songs:**

"The Greatest" Cat Power

"Kathleen" Catfish and the Bottlemen

**DISCLAIMER: The only thing I own are the typos, some one liners, and an iffy at best plot. Have you bought any songs yet?!**

* * *

><p>"Happy birthday week, beautiful!"<p>

_Don'tcrydon'tcrydon'tcry. Don't. Cry. _Darcy swallowed hard and forced a smile. "Why thank you, solider!"

"I'm sorry I have to miss it...I hate I'm not there."

_Fuck._ He was making this whole don't cry thing unnecessarily difficult. Clearly, this showed on her face, because he continued, blue eyes sad,

"Don't be upset, Darce. You know I'd be there right now if I could. Nat, too."

_Damnnnitttt_. She had gone and made him feel guilty. _For doing his job._ _For basically protecting the entire damn planet from baddies_. And now she was depressed_ and_ a selfish freaking bitch. _FANTASTIC_.

"I'm not upset, Steve, I promise." the crack in her voice betraying her. _Damn you, voice!_

"You are."

"Am not!"

"Are, too!"

Darcy felt a watery smile break through the tears she hadn't realized she'd let escape.

"See, made ya smile." Steve grinned.

"Shut up..."

"I miss you, too, kiddo."

"Steve...I..." Darcy paused, biting her lip.

"What?" he finally urged.

"When are you guys coming home?"

"March. But you already knew that."

"Yeah." she murmured, eyes casting down to where her hands were twisting in her lap.

"What's really on your mind?"

"Nothing." Her eyes flashed back to him.

"Definitely something, Lewis." He looked at her questioningly, then a dark look marred his features, "Is it Loki? Has he been bothering you? Because if he-"

She groaned inwardly. "NO, Steve! God! He's fine!"

The dark expression passed, but he still looked worried. "Well, what's bothering you?"

She wished she could tell him. Tell him about everything lately. Like she normally would. Complain and laugh and get his advice. But his advice would probably not be, er, _productive_ at this point. He would be so...judge-y. Well, that wasn't exactly true. Steve was never_ judge-y_. Even after the Halloween bar-dancing fiasco, he was really just disapproving. But this was different. This wasn't just a case of typical Darcy antics. Something for him to roll his eyes at and mock-chastise her for. This was Darcy befriending and having antics with a murderous, magical god. No, judge-y wasn't the right word. Angry wouldn't even be the right one. No, Steve Rogers...funny, easy-going, always diplomatic, best friend ever, Steve Rogers...would be terrifyingly fucking pissed off. Darcy would bet her iPod he'd even cuss her out a bit. Steve never cursed. And right now, in this moment, all Darcy wanted to do was tell him. _Hey, so Magic Pants and I are kinda homies now, and he's really kinda nerdy and sweet! You should totally hang out with him when ya get home and stuff because I really think you'd like him if you could, I donno, get over the whole he tried to take over the world thing. _Yeah. That'd go over greeeat.

"Honestly, it's nothing. Just...hurry up with those baddies."

His face softened, "Doin' our best, ma'am."

Darcy rolled her eyes. "You're such a douche."

"You love it." Steve grinned, "Now tell me about these big birthday plans I'm missing out on."

* * *

><p>The next day, Darcy wound her way through the labyrinth of hallways leading to the gym and training area.<p>

"Clint?"

"Hey, Darcy." His rough voice purred close behind her.

"Jesus Christ, Clint!" Darcy shrieked, whipping around, "You scared the ever living shit outta me!"

The sneaky bastard grinned.

Darcy glared at him and tried to slow her racing heart, "Stop sneaking up on people, you ass! Or I swear to God, I'm trying a bell to you!"

Now he grinned wider, "Oh, I look forward to it."

"Fucking perv..."

"You know it." he said with a wink, "So, what's up?"

"Well, I came down here to invite you to Friendsgiving karaoke for my birthday, but since you're being such a douche..." Darcy grumbled.

Clint clicked his tongue, "Shame...guess you won't get your presents then."

Darcy's face lit up, "Presents!?"

"Yep. But, ya know, since I'm not invited..."

"Dude! You know I want you there!"

"You mean want presents there..." he teased.

"I mean, I also want _dat ass_ there! Have I told you lately what a _fantastic_ ass you have?"

Clint laughed out loud. "Yeah,_ ya have_. Several times. You've posted pictures of my ass all over Tumblr, Instagram, Facebook, Pinterest..."

"What? It's a compliment!"

Clint arched an eyebrow.

"Are you coming to my party or not?"

"Who all is going?"

Darcy shifted awkwardly, "Um, you know, Tony, Pepper, Jane and Thor and Loki...Bruce is coming to dinner, but not the bar..."

"I'm sorry, did you just say Loki?!" Clint growled darkly.

"Well, yeah, I mean, he lives with us and stuff-"

"No way! I'm sorry, Darce, I'm not going if that ass-"

"Look, we can't just leave him here alone! In the tower! None of us will be here!"

Clint continued his death glare, "No. I'm not going."

Darcy glared back at him for a minute, then pulled her phone out of her back pocket.

"What're you doing?"

"Calling Nat." she replied cooly.

"You wouldn't."

Darcy narrowed her eyes, "Wouldn't I, Clint? _Wouldn't I_?"

"You...you...well, fine! Call her! I'll just call Rogers!" he sputtered indignantly.

Darcy laughed. _Silly, silly man_. "Really? And tell him what exactly? That I'm picking on you?"

"Nope. I'll tell him you're taking that asshole to your birthday party." Clint smirked.

_Shit shit and double shit. _Time to pull out the big guns.

"It seems we've reached an impasse, Barton... Well played."

The archer smiled smugly, then Darcy continued,

"BUT...I seem to recall this video...I think it's here somewhere..." she murmured as she scrolled through her phone, "Ah, here it is!"

When she glanced up, his smug smile faded into a scowl with just a twinge of fear. _Perf. _

Darcy gave him her sweetest smile and continued innocently, "You remember that party after you guys beat those slug-looking baddies in Portugal last year, don'tcha Clint?" then she pouted, "Well, maybe you don't _remember_, but..."

"That video was destroyed." Clint ground out between clinched teeth.

"I know..." Darcy pouted again, "And Tony was _so sad._ I bet he'd loveeee to get a copy of it...the person who could do that would probably get a very generous finder's fee."

Clint looked like he was going to either pass out or kill her. Or maybe kill her and then pass out.

"Don't look so sad, Clinty. Honestly, you put Channing Tatum to shame! Just imagine if even a tiny gif of this made its way onto Tumblr. The internet would explode. Literally."

Clint dashed for her phone, but Darcy pulled it back, "Oh, sweetie...you don't wanna do that. It would just upset me. Besides, I have it stored in other places..._safe and sound_. Did I ever mention to you how amazeballs I am with computers?"

"God damn you, Lewis!"

"Guess I will see ya Friday, boo! Be in the lobby by 6:00!"

* * *

><p>"This is ridiculous! I refuse to participate in something so completely absurd! I am a Prince of Asgard!"<p>

Loki was pacing irritably in front of the entertainment center at the apartment, Darcy trailing after him, scurrying to match his longer strides.

"_Pleeeeease_, Loki! You have to! For me? It's for my birthday!"

"Darcy, I do not care if it is _your funeral_. I am not doing this 'karaoke'!"

When the song cued up for the fifth time in a row, Loki stopped his pacing and closed his eyes, a pained expression on his face. He wasn't supposed to use his magic destructively, but the mortal girl was tempting him dangerously.

"What's wrong?" Darcy nearly crashing into him from his abrupt halt.

He spun around to face her, incredulous, "What is wrong?! I am tired of this gods forsaken song!"

"Don't worry, it comes back!" she grinned.

"What?"

Darcy giggled at his confusion, "Never mind. Just...please do this! Even Thor's done karaoke with us before!"

"Thor is an imbecile!"

"That is not the point!"

Loki fought a smile, "I don't care! I am not doing this, Darcy!"

"But...but...my _birthday_! You're not even getting me a gift! This can be my gift!"

"How do you know I haven't already gotten you a gift?"

"You really got me a present?" she asked softly, eyes shining up at him.

"No."

"Damn it, Loki!" she scowled.

"I'm not singing this blasted song in front of people."

A thought suddenly hit her, "_Oh my god_...you're scared aren't you?"

"I am not scared!" he growled indignantly.

"Loki, it's just for fun! Who cares what anyone thinks!"

"As if I should care what a bunch of useless, sniveling _mortals_ think of me," he snorted derisively.

"Um, excuse you, _Your Rudeness_. You care what _I_ think!"

He narrowed his eyes at her.

"See, you do care what I think..." she smiled.

"I didn't say that."

"You didn't have to," she murmured, "...I care what you think, too."

Fleetingly, he stared at her with an unreadable expression, which quickly melted into his signature scowl, "You are infuriating."

"I know. But you like it. That's why we're friends." she shrugged, a half-smile playing on her full lips.

Loki stood rigidly and tried his damnedest to look down at her menacingly. He knew all hope of deterring her was lost as he watched her half-smile grow and spread, her eyes lighting up with an idea. She approached him slowly, as if she were fearful that any sudden movement may startle him. When their toes were almost touching, she stopped, looking up at him with large, happy eyes.

"I'm going to hug you now." she said slowly, her small arms lifting, gently encircling his waist. Loki stood wide eyed, hands fisted resolutely at his sides. He could feel something akin to panic curl slowly up his spine, making his entire being go rigid. He was certain the sheer amount of tension in his body would shatter him into a million pieces and scatter him across the apartment floor.

But then she softly placed her head on his chest, arms tightening around him ever so slightly, and let out a sigh. Gradually, almost painfully, he felt the coiling tension in his muscles give way. Against his will, one hand rose up to rest upon the small of her back, returning her embrace.

When she finally looked up at him, her small smile was still firmly in place and her eyes were so large and blue that he would almost swear one could drown in them. Suddenly, Loki understood the appeal of the color...by the Nine, she was fetching. Even with her silly clothes and spectacles and...

Damn! No, she was a mortal! A disgusting mortal. She did not feel soft and warm. And he did not enjoy the feel of her curves lined up against his own sharp planes. And he most assuredly did not like that she smelled of strawberries or that she smiled even when the others weren't around and he knew it was just for him!

"_Please_. Please sing at my birthday. It would mean a lot to me. I know you can have fun if you just try. You have to try, Loki." she spoke quietly.

"I will not have fun." he muttered sullenly.

Darcy smirked up at him, "You will. Because you'll be with me and I'm the fun-est person you know."

"Could you at least choose another song?"

Darcy pouted, slowly untangling herself from him, "But I love this song! It has unlimited repeat potential! Besides, if you're scared to sing by yourself, I'll sing with you!"

Loki straightened out his shirt, _definitely not disappointed_ over the fact that she had released him..."Mortal - _I am not scared_. I have witnessed horrors the likes of which you could not even begin to fathom. I have lead armies and razed entire Realms. I am-"

"Dude, could you stop bragging and just tell me why won't you just sing the damn song?"

"Because...because..."_ By the Norns! Why in Hel did words constantly fail him with this...this girl?!_

"You're gonna do it, aren't you?"

Silence.

"THANK YOU! Thankyouthankyouthankyou! You're the best! Don't freak out because I'm hugging you again!"

Loki let out a startled _oomph! _when she launched herself into his chest again, clearly no longer hesitant to embrace him.

"Hey, Loki?" she murmured, the side of her face scrunched up against his shirt.

"What?"

Darcy glanced up at him hopefully, "Will you do the accent?"

"The _what_?"

"The accent...like in the song?"

"Absolutely not."

"But-"

"NO, DARCY."

* * *

><p>"It's my birthday, bitches! Worship me!" Darcy burst into the living room.<p>

"Darcy, we've been worshipping all week! I'm tiiiirrred!" Jane whined from her position on one of the couches, head in Thor's lap. Darcy had convinced (read: forced) everyone to take the day off. It was a holiday, and shit.

"How dare you?!" Darcy scoffed, "Now, KNEEL!"

Loki rolled his eyes, but Thor chuckled.

"Yeeeah, I'm not kneeling, but I will make pancakes."

"I accept your penance, lowly commoner!"

Jane rose with a stretch and padded toward the kitchen and Darcy plopped down in the open spot next to Thor.

"Hey, Thunderboy, guess what?"

"What is it, Lady Darcy?" Thor asked pleasantly.

"Loki's singing karaoke tonight." she smiled impishly, oblivious to the god in question glaring daggers at her.

Thor's brows shot up in surprise and he turned to his brother, "Truly, Loki?"

"It would appear I have no choice in the matter. Her majesty commands it." He replied dryly.

Thor peered at him curiously. Loki was not one to take commands from anyone. _How very odd... _But he decided it best not to question.

"It's for my birthday! It's his present to me!"

"_Oh_?" Thor smirked in Loki's direction, "You would torture the girl on her night of celebration and call it a gift, brother?"

Loki opened his mouth to retort, but Darcy interrupted,

"HEY!" She growled, "Stop teasing him! You're no Justin Timberlake yourself! Besides, he could sound like a bag of cats and I'd still love it because he's my friend and it's the thought that counts! Stop being an ass!"

Loki knew his expression matched Thor's. Total shock.

"I...am sorry..."

"Well, don't tell me! Tell him!"

"I am sorry, Loki. You sing...well."

Had this little mortal really defended him? From such a small jest? Had she just called him her friend? To Thor? It was one thing for her to wax poetic about their supposed friendship to him, but to so blatantly defend him and claim him to others? It was simply unheard of! Even in Asgard, even before his...indiscretions. Only his moth...No. He wouldn't think on that.

Not only that, but to imply she would appreciate anything from him...What was this mortal's game? _She plays no game_, whispered a small voice inside him that sounded suspiciously like Frigga.

* * *

><p>"We're taking a cab and that's it!"<p>

"But Pepper arranged for a limo!" Jane protested.

"Let those losers take it, then! We're taking a cab. End. Of. Discussion. It's my birthday and what I say goes! This is Loki's first trip out and it needs to be authentic! What's more 'New York' than a cab?!"

Loki sighed in exasperation, looking down at the dirty sidewalk. Like it mattered which mode of primitive transport they chose. He could be back in his room reading right now! Instead he was standing out on this filthy, overly loud street while the mortals bickered. And he was wearing_ jeans_. How decidedly plebeian. This was the most horrifyingly debasing thing he'd ever done. It was insulting! Why the Hel he'd agreed to this, he'd never know. Actually, he did know, but ignorance was preferable.

Thor shifted beside him, glancing between the two stubborn women before speaking tentatively, "But...Lady Darcy, won't we be...pressed for space in a vehicle so...small?"

The mortal girl smiled dazzlingly, blue eyes shining in the city lights, "Just let Jane sit on your lap. I know she knows how!"

Jane glared, but she continued,

"Besides," her gaze slid playfully to Loki, "we could always put Mischief in the trunk..."

Loki smiled condescendingly, "Oh yes, mortal, please try."

"Hey! No calling me mortal tonight!" she snapped, then she feigned a pout, "I donno why you insist on stealing all of my fun."

"If you two are done, can we just go? We're gonna be late." Jane interjected.

"Rushing a girl on her birthday? Do you people have no respect?" Darcy grumbled, stepping over to the curb and hailing the closest yellow contraption. She grabbed the handle of the back door and yanked it open before turning to them with a huge smile, "Get in, losers!"

The four piled into the back, Thor and Jane first, followed by Loki and Darcy. His brother was correct in his assessment that the space would be entirely too small. Loki shifted uncomfortably. The interior of the cab smelled of piss, overly floral air freshener, and cigarettes. And Darcy Lewis was practically sitting upon his lap.

"Where to?" their driver said in a bored tone, with an unplaceable accent.

The mortal occupying his increasingly uncomfortable lap bolted up, leaning over the front seat to address the driver, giving him an irritatingly spectacular close-up view of her ass in tight dark jeans.

"Hi! I'm Darcy! It's my birthday!"

"Darce, please don't harass the driver." Jane muttered, yanking the girl back down and giving the man the address.

She sat back with a huff and stuck her tongue out at Jane. Then she turned to look at him, dark curls tumbling over her shoulder and eyes alight with mirth. A tiny smile tugged at the corners of her lips, once again painted red. Loki couldn't stop staring at them...

"Are you totally stoked, or what?" she whispered excitedly as the cab lurched into traffic, jostling her against him.

Loki cleared his throat and grasped for a bored tone, "Quite. I'm simply overcome."

This earned him an eye roll and her head leaned back to his shoulder. He could smell the familiar scent of strawberries in her hair; a blessed relief from the other, less appealing aromas in the cab. But still irritating. And from this angle he had a view straight down her low-cut floral blouse. _Damn_.

"Hey," she continued, thankfully stirring him from his embarrassingly wayward thoughts, "try to behave yourself, alright? We will have fun, I promise!"

"I daresay we'd have much more fun if we were to _misbehave_, little mortal..."

Her head popped up and she whirled to look at him, red lips forming a little 'o' of surprise, and he realized how exactly that sounded.

_Had he just said that aloud?! Why had he said...like that?! DAMNDAMNDAMNDAMNDAMNDAMN! Of all the times for his silver tongue to decid- damn, now he was thinking about tongues and the mortal girl and licking and- DAMNIT! _

Before he could so much as open his mouth to explain, Darcy Lewis did the one thing he did not expect.

She burst into a fit of giggles. "You're so fucking ridiculous! Sweet talk will get you nowhere. You promised me karaoke and_ you will give it to me_."

Loki felt like he couldn't breathe. He was relieved she thought him in jest...wait, he _was_ in jest. Yes. But then she demanded he_ give it to her_! His traitorous mind wandered back to tongues and lush curves and red lips and _Odin be damned, what was wrong with him?! He was truly going mad!_

As her laughter subsided she leaned her head back onto his shoulder, "Oh man, tonight is gonna be hella fun...it'll be just like Sex and the City..."

And there went his mind..._again._

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Poor Dirty Loki! Lol. Hope you weren't too disappointed! Next chap is on deck! Have I told you guys lately that I love you? Xo**

**Next up: PRESENTS. What's Loki gonna sing? (Keep guessing, I gave good hints) Darcy is a troublemaker. Ponies. Clint can't help his reenactments. Exactly how much can gods drink? Notorious J.A.N.E. Tony figures shit out. Loki says the thing. Loki says the other thing. Darcy gets in her feels. Loki is basically doomed. :) Intrigued yet?**


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